I managed a grocery store for a few years, so I have quite a few stories. A lot of the better ones involve poop, but I’ll save that for the “Inexplicable Toilet Stories” section.

My partner’s exes (and there are many, so many exes) all seem to think I’ve broken him because he has chosen to be monogamous with me and no longer fucks anyone and everyone. Literally, one asked if I was the one who was going to “ruin him forever” (by forcing him into horrible horrible monogamy somehow I guess?).…

That he is a suicidal, bipolar nutjob that has been in and out of mental institutions, is currently armed and living in the mountains as a survivalist and is still obsessed over my wife.

But, yeah I can see why people might be concerned that the ex was more photogenic.

Pure speculation here. Child Protective Services can act very quickly to remove a child from a home. That "temporary" removal then gets investigated and adjudicated in court. The police likely had to investigate and interview everyone at the party, which takes time. Once they gathered all the evidence they made the…

You broads have it rough. I can't imagine dealing with that shit.

A girl did this in my high school. She made me feel bad because i sad something like “what, do you have cancer or something?” sarcastically when she was acting all glum. I told her then she was an asshole for trying to make me feel guilty for something i could not have possibly known about and everyone thought I was a…

Mom hair is a shag haircut. You know, sorta like this? It is a non-committal medium do. It is what happens when you go to a crappy hairdresser and say "short, but not too short, ok?"

This one is actually my dad's story. So, my dad likes to drink Manhattans occasionally. My dad also sometimes likes to have a Perfect Manhattan, a standard variation on a Manhattan with equal parts dry and sweet vermouth rather than just sweet. It's not an unusual request.

She probably also thinks that goddamned dress is White and Gold.

Great. I'm probably going to have another weird sex dream about him tonight and I'm NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

He looks exactly like my friend Misty when she got super drunk at Grad Night and saw her ex kissing a girl from another school and cried through her mascara and wiped her eyes like "Whatever. I'm fine! Let's go on Space Mountain!" And then she threw up.

I called 911 when there was a guy hanging out of a car's sunroof on the 101 freeway, pointing a pistol at people. It was busy for 7 long minutes.

Ugh. This reminds me of my own version of Blonde God.

hahaha!!! ouch... you shouldn't have looked:)

I already posted about this once, but... I dated and fucked a guy who would stand up on the bed to switch positions. And that wasn't the weirdest part - he'd keep thrusting. He had a slight belly and serious sexing face, so he looked not unlike an angry bee with his dick as the stinger.

Pretty sure we've all banged Guy with a Guitar, if not Barefoot Guy with a Guitar or the close relative, Hacky-sack Guy with Nice Eyes.

I lost my virginity to a guy who lived on my dorm floor. He had bright blue troll doll hair and was pale as a ghost. His dorm room smelled like stinky feet. It was the worst. When I see people from college, "the troll" comes up at least once.