Next time I see a guy in cargo pants I’m going to force him to build me a house. I mean, walking around looking all probably-owns-a-hammer...what did he think would happen? #CarpenterLookingAssBitch.

It’s a good thing my dog is going to live forever and I won’t have to go through this.

Looking at homeless people IS gross but I don’t see him putting forth any solutions. Luckily I actually have a plan for that problem!!!

Good thing this isn’t one!

Now if only we could get some research into curing our swampy period shits, ladies would be set AM I RIGHT?

All it needs is a ghostly version of him in the top right corner, staring at the bigger him.

Where did he get the money to do all of this? That clinic looks huge! That website looks legit! I wish he could have just used his love for medicine in a positive way by - say - getting a medical degree and actually being licensed to practice it.

woah stassi looks amazing with that hair color. and honestly props to her because she had jax at his peak hotness

I know. They ALL look so different it’s scary.

I haven’t missed Stassi one bit, but if her boring-ass apology tour leads to restoring her as a regular cast member, thereby ensuring an inevitable future season encounter wherein James acts like an ass and she then verbally dismantles him on a molecular level that leaves SUR a smoking pile of ash, then, yeah, I’m all…

They usually “Jax-ed” to refer to someone who’s been on the receiving end of his usual cheatin’ lyin’ ways. But “Jax-ed” should mean “Coked to the gills”. And he was max Jax-ed

Ok Tom being like “yeah Jax has been weird lately...idk if it’s Brittany, or Hawaii...or...” LIKE JUST SAY IT, TOM. COKE COKE COKE COKE.

schaena is terrible. her husband has addiction issues and she says she can’t be married to a guy who doesn’t drink. i feel sorry for shay.

Stassi is gold as an alpha and super uncomfortable as an underling make it stop

Kanye is a disaster of a human but I find Taylor Swift annoying. Her convenient feminism that only applies to her when her feelings get hurt and her “protect me” because I’m a little girl thing and that’s why you shouldn’t make fun of her fragile feelings is insufferable.

I think you have to be a bit more circumspect when shooting body paint, it’s part of the illusion.

Woohoo!

He's hung like an elevator button.