She’s the only bacon that disappoints.

Focus group testing has shown parents are far more likely to vote for a candidate who is holding their infant children hostage while demanding their vote.

Well, we have these things called periods. It’s a cycle where our uterus sheds bloody tissue for a few days, or a week or so, for the unlucky among us. With a few rare exceptions, we don’t worry until we notice that has stopped, which happens during pregnancy. Women are much more worried about disease and unprotected…

“Some universities protect predatory professors with slaps on the wrist and secrecy, just like the Catholic Church sheltered child-molesting priests for many decades,” Speiers said in mid-January. “Students enter astronomy to study the stars, not the professor’s sex life.”

Dammit, I came here hoping for a Mariah Carey-esque tour rider. Bernie doesn’t like busy patterns. He also wants 20 white kittens and 100 white doves to be released when he goes on stage for the debate.

I think the CBS execs finally listened to a Coldplay CD and were like, “Oh shit, that’s not who I thought they were!”

Also-the 2007 issue.

“I photobombed the entire shoot and nobody noticed”

First though when I saw Kim: “NOOOOOOOO”

I don’t really mind it so much... except she is clearly lying because cats don’t wear makeup or get piercings. I know this because every time I have tried to do a smoky eye on my cats, they scratch me.

This motherfucker is so corny I swear Congress is gonna subsidize him in the next farm bill.

Jesus take the wheel because I still believe his wife is gonna cut the brake line. Also, I desperately need someone to make a gif of Jennifer Lopez’s face at about the 1 minute mark where it changes from smile to “I’m gonna murder you”

Are these also time traveling witches? Because if they wanted to stop gentrification in Logan Square they’re about twenty years too late.

I definitely want this to happen because I feel like Trump would resort to punching Ted Cruz in the face.

Did he also put his six favorite toys and a granola bar in his Dora the Explorer backpack and tell Fox News that HE’S RUNNING AWAY AND NEVER COMING BACK AND THEN WON’T YOU BE SORRY!??