Why gifts? Give cash. Cash for the honeymoon, cash to shore up how fucking expensive this party is, cash for sex toys, cash to buy a house, cash cash cash cash. Why would you give someone a fucking thing for their wedding when cash is both chic (fits in a cute card, looks good with your dress), and useful.

I would wear the shit out of Shade Court t-shirt, Kara. No tea, no shade.

Tom Hanks was once overheard saying that Matthew Broderick was originally cast as Wilson in Cast Away, before being replaced by a volleyball, because test audiences found the volleyball's acting more believable.

My boyfriend befriends pretty much all of his exes. It's definitely weird for me, but I figure that it's better and healthier to be friends than enemies. He's dumb about how he says stuff, though... He was recently talking about one of his exes, and we were going to get together and have dinner. Because of this, I…

A little.

agreed. say what you will about kim but she is a fucking beautiful woman and I think the blond is fun and different and totally makes her look like a gorgeous space alien. I'm down.

I dunno. One time for my birthday my husband wanted to buy me an outfit, so I gave him free reign. Three hours later, and I had a black camisole and a grey cardigan from Banana Republic. The grey sweater looked great in my collection of other grey sweaters.

i wish i could be Kris Jenner's assistant & learn all her evil tricks & bend everyone in my life to my iron will

I am a millennial, 24, and going to be a pretty traditional bride. Not into the hoohah. I refused to ring that goddam wish bell at David's Bridal. I'll clap for Katie, the Really Into It Bride, but I swear if you announce over the intercom that I found "the dress of my dreams for the man of my dreams" I WILL CUT YOU.

I bet his phone is vibrating from twitter notifications so much right now what he could put his phone in his lap and literally get off on all the sadness.

I realize she is no longer a teen, but WHERE IS ADULTOSAUR?!? Does she need to be held during this tragedy?

Really?

Husband designed them. Mimics the art on the back on our first stove in our first kitchen that we shared together. We love to cook, eat and entertain.

HIS WIFE WORKS AT GOLDMAN SACHS I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS

WTF does it say about us that we got Hand Banana ass tattoos as a wedding/anniversary thing?!

When someone wears one of my headlines on an airplane and gets kicked off for the words "grotesque anal sex trend" or "wish feet had vaginas for banging?" emblazoned on their chest, I will absolutely refer to it as vulgar. I know what I'm about, son.

Our wedding tattoos & where we got married.

This is my best life right here

In Sharon's story, she probably meant (or said) "casein", not "calcium"

Can we start doing a little contest where we predict exactly what these inevitable "apologies" will say before they're released? Winner gets a bucket full of the apologists' tears or something. I'll start: