Alice in that sexy red dress telling her husband to “shove it.” That’s how you make a fucking entrance. Though, I would’ve chosen something other than that terrible Imagine Dragons song.

Considering Archie’s dumb luck he probably would get the Black Hood this way.

Betty: “We live next door to one another, so there’s nothing strange about you walking me to school. Even if he’s watching us.”

Ahem, “a TRUE cuck.” And please know I would never use it in normal situations—I saw the opportunity and I had to take it. As for the second letter, Betty had to give the full thing to her parents after the Town Hall thing. So I believe they gave it to the Sheriff as a result.

Hey, Toni knew to close the deal when he was emotionally vulnerable.

Of course, Graham Phillips’ portrayal of Nick is basically a flashing light that says, “I’m Chuck Bass,” which is glaring in an episode full of more understated performances.

Maedchen Amick walking into the party in that red dress, wowzers.

I adore the fact that Alice Cooper is buying “Reputation” merchandise to make a statement. Look what you made her do, indeed. Mädchen Amick has never been better.

It might seem like Toni Topaz could have waited a decent amount of time after hearing about the breakup before making her move on “Juggie,” I mean, she at least waited ‘til after the breakup. Also in fairness if you are a teenage girl and you find out Cole Sprouse is single, I think you take your shot.

I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say: I’m really excited for this to lead to another Lodge/Andrews family real estate plot.

I agree that the small moments are generally the best. The ‘semi-horse whinny’ got the biggest laugh from me...

“DON’T TREAD ON ME, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

Larry’s immediate, furious response to Richard Lewis’ “I dated a garbage woman, once” story was the highlight of the episode. Just the perfect Larry moment, incredulous and hostile while also accusing Richard of making up the entire event, simply to better him socially.

Runner-up: Larry’s “Thank you for serving the…

This show just makes me so happy.

Loved the shot of the girls wearing eye patches and hooks.

When the episode ended and nobody had died, I brought up last week’s teaser to my family and nobody remembered it. I’m glad I’m not crazy!

Is this confirmation that Jane The Virgin has a set end point with season 5?

oh i think they got the exact effect they were looking for. i don’t see how else they expected people to view the world’s most threatening Forever 21 ad

*Archie puts together a video of half naked men*

Riverdale is giving friggin’ Silent Hill a run for its money when it comes to “small towns with persistent, ominous fog at all hours of the day and night.”

So Archie created White ISIS. Please tell me someone got a screen cap of that never ending hilarity. I spent the entire last 3 minutes laughing with tears in my eyes. That was the most homoerotic terror threat video I have ever seen