Yeah, he should have been able to come back with a quick witticism. Like, “yeah, that’s the same as the sex fantasy that I have, except after I leave I fall, and then I keep falling, and then I’m in the woods and there’s this circle of goat people, and they’re chanting, and there’s blood everywhere, and I try to ask…

im going to create a gun that vibrates and doesnt shoot and make so much money

I think the lack of ‘e’ in Ashly’s name is what has led to her being this unhinged. The ‘e’ really could have grounded her.

If you’re already aware that it has no nutritional value and you like the dark chocolate Almond Breeze, please get yourself some chocolate Silk brand soy milk and improve your life. It’s so good, I have to stop myself from drinking like a litre in a sitting, and you could do a lot worse than a big glass of soy milk if…

I think that you should deal with my unpleasant stomach pains and other related consequences when I consume dairy milk, then.

Dear Dairy Farmers,

I’m mildly lactose intolerant and I have sex with my ass. Regular milk can fuck right off.

To prevent my ass from being a spewing, angry, poop evacuation center, imma stick to almond milk

Please. I was doing that in the 80s.

oh god. who cares? for all intents and purposes, it’s milk, and serves every function of milk culinarily speaking. don’t get into semantics here.

I kind of read the exact opposite from this statement. It feels like Alexis’s brother was being very careful in his use of language and was very respectful of Alexis’s preferences/wishes.

What does “America is the ark of Noah” even mean?

I would choose the nearest shark.

Maybe machetes have magical properties that keep clowns away? If so I need to invest in one, now.

Yep, For the movie “IT” in production now.

The new IT movie, obviously.

to visit family who don’t live in the US?

I’m thinking her makeup didn’t translate well under the stage lighting? But any makeup artist worth a damn would know better, right?

Sober Sonja confirms what I always wanted most - that she hasn’t just been stumbling into those witty comments and KILLER one-liners.

As fun as drunk Sonja is (smoky eye, updo, Gstaad) sober Sonja is here and has the receipts!