If i had my 20's figure i’d be showing off my g string like it was EVERYONES business.. That shit was tight back then.

only warm butter on toast. 

I totally believe its genetic, my dad has it, my grandmother has it. Laser got rid of it for a while, so my next effort is actually taking medicine for it. Kill it from the inside out. 

I have athletes foot and reletnless toe nail fungus that doesn’t look ugly but wont fucking go away. I’ve tried laser, creams, lotions...sigh...i wish i had nice feet. even if they smelled like butter

I need to see a slide show of said haircuts.

I’m an old, so I don’t know a lot of new words...like “bute.” Shit. I just learned what a snack was. I just thought it was a delicious treat between meals. 

i’ll just put this here

Uggs are ugly, but sliding your cold feet into a pair is like sliding them into a fucking cloud. So soft...so warm...so ugly (I have 3 pairs..)

I bought a pair of ‘pearl’ flip flop like birks for my trip to spain, and just like the 90's they were still comfortable and sturdy. IDGAF if you dont find them hot..husband.

my husband had an ex his friend’s dad called “somewhere in egypt” because mentally she was somewhere not in california, but..somewhere in egypt. 

there is this interesting video about the physics behind her moves and how much power it takes for her to do her signature moves. she’s impressive!

everyone knows you’re supposed to nick name your the dude you’re sleeping with but not fully dating something related to his job, car, or living situation, not his race. For example:

Wut...you mean ICE may be lying about the man’s supposed link to a homicide?! ‘I’m shocked I tell you...shocked. 

Ok, so I made this for my friend, who’s creativity I admire.

thats awesome! where did you get the pattern?!?

I’ve shared this story before, but here we go again.

If I didn’t have a kid id take that gig of taking care of cats on a greek aisle, or make soaps and live in maine.

been with the same guy for 10 years (married for 5), I’m pretty sure if I had to date again, I wouldn’t be able to. I forgot how to flirt with someone other than my husband. and thats a very particular honed in 10 year old flirting technique that is surrounded in BBQ jokes. 

and flabby man ass

I’m gonna give a shout out to any woman out there still willing to give dating a shot with all the trash out there. For reals, I respect the faith in finding someone, but that shit is hard because the odds are good but the goods are odd.