That white lady  is eating yogurtland. I think. That looks like a yogurtland spoon!

Alternate..this universe, the next. I would ride Maluma into the sunset. But you know he’d fucking suck because my experience is the hotter the guy, the less he tries because he thinks his presence is enough to make you cum.

I’m disappointed I did not see “beans that make her dance”

her lips look like a prolapsed butt.

What.is.up.with.khloe’s.mouth

My dad refuses to travel to any place in the united states because to him it isn’t worth it. The only place he is interested in visiting is New Orleans. I can’t blame him, New Orleans is hypnotic. And way to terrifyingly close to the big ol Mississippi river.

When my cats pass over the rainbow bridge (in possibly 15-20 years from now, lord willing because they are pampered indoor cats). I will get a hairless cat, and name it General WonTon or Mr. Bezoar (no matter the gender)

Santigold is amazing!!!!!!! 

I’m going on a 10 hour flight with my toddler in 2 days. Lord have mercy on my and those surrounding’s soul. 

Who the fuck eats creamy peanut butter?!?! 

My piece of advice:

I once called to get a quote on a cat grooming session, and I lost my shit when the guy said “lion cut.” because all i could imagine was Dr. Unagi getting a lion cut.

its how i visualize my feminism when I’m high. 

Stick with buying massive boxes of diapers and/or wipes because we go through those like gangbusters. A cleaning services for a month or whatever you can swing. A gift card to uber eats or something because those first few months are brutal. 

Am I the only mother in the world that would loathe to get a basket of stuffed animals? Everyday I fight the urge to not chuck on of my kids nasty ass stuffed animals. 

I’m gonna sign up. 

I’m from Southern California, so people who shit on the IE (I can shit on the IE because I’m from the IE). I had a guy who was from the OC that loved to shit on San Berdo-909. I just said the OC is the IE with money, y’all are tacky as fuck in your lifted trucks just without the lift kit. 

The grand canyon blew my fucking mind when I saw it. I had only seen pictures, but seeing in person was breathtaking. Then my husband proposed and I couldn’t stop looking at my ring. 10/10 would go again!

God you beat me to it. I had a ex-friend who would regularly say “Oh I don’t watch TV.” Well yeah, bitch technically you don’t you watch the computer. Homegirl was all caught up and thought she found a loop hole because she was watching netflix or hulu. IT’S STILL FUCKING TV

Honestly, those fools aren’t worth the ‘free education.’ When people want to debate me I just send them my venmo and ask them to pay me if i’m gonna do any emotional labor and educate their willfully ignorant assess.