So, uh, how does one go about getting haunted sexually? Asking for a super horny friend.

It's never so hot that you can't cover your ass and stomach with a thin layer of cotton.

"Say this for Ted Kaczynski: His mailings were of professional quality, on time, packing a short, explosive punch. And the receivers' heads snapped back as if they'd been shot."

Yeah, like them:

Hmm, I wonder if they'll make a movie about my life...

Wooo! The other day out walking through the woods behind my house I came upon a paper wasp nest the size of a basketball in a bush. It was crawling with those nasty black wasps that hate people more than a fat kid hates broccoli. Needless to say, I backed away slowly and gave it a wide interdiction zone. Should…

Maybe because being forced to re-live the worst experience of your life isn't worth all the money in the world.

Jennifer Lopez's butt has been the biggest center of attention of her film and music career for at least 15 years old. And it's natural. So she shouldn't be mentioned under the same breath as someone like Miley Cyrus, who appropriated something so unlike her just to reinvent herself.

Has Jessie from the babysitters' club taught us nothing?

In Pittsburgh, your jersey is also your Sunday best.

I'm not even writing a book, I just have an insatiable morbid curiosity!

At least once every couple of months I fall into the serial killer Wikipedia hole. Each bit of information brings something new to look up! If ever I'm wrongfully accused of any sort of heinous crime, I could probably be convicted on my search history alone.

I think you're confusing him with someone who had a long career as a professional athlete.

The last scene of Blair Witch Project with the next victim of the Blair Witch standing in the corner is still terrifying to me. Yikes.

Everyone knows the real asshole here is one of the main ingredients in PYT's hotdogs.

Any counselor, cop, attorney experienced in domestic violence issues or anyone with a modicum of common sense could have and should have told the NFL that victims will often blame themselves, defend their abusers, and even change their stories

"Hey everybody! How about that great Thursday Night Football game tomorrow night huh? That'd be a good way to put all of this domestic abuse stuff behind us! We've got the...Bal...itmore....Ray....uh.... PITTSBURGH STEELERS playing. Who doesn't want to watch Ben Roth....less....damn it."

So are you saying it was wrong of the Patriots to cut Aaron Hernandez before he was convicted? Or are you just saying that domestic violence isn't a serious enough crime to warrant the same treatment?

Fuck that. You're right that society has a domestic violence problem. But the NFL also uniquely has a domestic violence problem because of the highly public implicit claims it makes about how much domestic violence matters. This has been brought up ad nauseum, but when Josh Gordon gets 16 games for smoking weed while…