I always keep this book handy.

He's charging people admission based on their length—the shorter the dick, the smaller the entry fee.

The tipster is an asshole, but the tipster didn't force Jezebel to publish it. I'm disappointed they did.

Whoever that tipster is? S/he's an ASSHOLE.

This is pretty low. A cover letter is supposed to help you show the hiring manager what you can bring to a new job, and this woman wants to use skills she's gained in the past to be a victim advocate in the future. This is probably an entry level job for her, or she'd be talkinga bout her criminal justice experience.…

I'm hoping her script is like this one from http://shitroughdrafts.com/.

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Flexural, Asexual, Genderfuck, Polyamorous, Bondage/Disciple, Dominance/ Submission, Sadism/Masochism (LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM) communities

I take it you've never been to a beach in Florida before?

Ironically, I am extremely attracted to naked mole rats.

Foreskin is overrated, this is coming from a foreskin have-er. Plus, when flaccid, it makes your dick look like a naked mole rat. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sex isn't supposed to be enjoyable, obviously.

My wife died last year at age 35. (Bear with me, totally not trolling for sympathy.)

Maybe he just has a huge dick? My experience with scrawny nerds is that most of them are packing serious cocks. It does look suspiciously smooth though so idk

Hi, can people stop defending Azealia Banks NOW?

The writers at Jezebel are terrified of calling out Azealia Banks for her laundry list of bullshit. Anyone else who would have said a quarter of the bullshit she's said would have three articles a week for a month, but not her. She has this blog shook. Or they tacitly agree with her.

well, "even if i am a homophobe… so what? i still make more money than you" could be the dumbest shit ive heard a black woman say but oh well.

I always thought Tyrone was a black name, but then, Tyrone Power existed. Who stole it from who?

I love me some Joni, but Morgellon's is not a thing. There has been study after study (even a congressional hearing on the matter) confirming that there is ZERO evidence that it exists. If anything, it is a delusion that fibers are growing out of your skin. Shame on yourshitty journalism, New York Magazine.

So going around trashing another artist to make your point is "respecting artistry"?? Ok Kanye. Sit the fuck down.

I won first prize in the 3rd grade "Reflections" arts contest for a really nice pastel sketch I did of my mom's Christmas cactus. Should I....send that ribbon onto Beyonce out of respect for art? Or do I get to keep it?