Please, every wannabe classy person knows who Audrey Hepburn is.

Tell me I'm the Audrey Hepburn of our time! Tell me!

Hey that's fair. I'd post a picture of what I mean, but I feel that may be technically frowned upon.

Hairy ass is a sensitive subject for. It's not that I have a problem with a lot of hair, far from it, I have a problem when there's a lot of hair, just in not quite right places. Know what I mean?

I saw NPH as the Emcee back in ~03 and he was great, but I always wanted to see Cumming do it. I mean, he is that guy.

Expanding her artistic horizons, yadda yadda?

Emma Stone, best imaginary girlfriend of all time?

Stone's rendition of "Maybe This Time" is unfortunately weak and thin.

"The United States and China have just committed to work together on reducing carbon emissions."

That just looks uncomfortable. And I mean that in the most literal sense possible. Junk jammed against your neck, flopping all over the place? Mega distracting, no thanks.

Idiot tubes.

Thank you! That's the whole goddamn point!

But those are all annoying, and people are always bitching about them, too. So it's very fair.

..."Our Mommy Problem"—the insidious view of motherhood as so all-consuming that any women who breeds cannot escape being identified as a mom or mommy in every arena of her life, even when it is scarcely relevant.

Please, feel free to say more! Slowly, and more sensually, too.

And, guys, hey, guys, and listen, um, this one time, I , this one time I saw this guy pull up to a line of people waiting for a PS4 on release day, and he had one already, and he totally threw it out of his car at them! Broke it right in front of them! Huh? What? No, the box wasn't empty! No, I totally swear! Guys!

Except the Pope is only infallible when he speaks specifically on matters of faith. Things like anointing saints and the Immaculate Conception. This "Be nice to gay people stuff" isn't part of that.

Hey great tradition, solid thing to do instead of Black Friday. I fully support it. I'm just saying a thing that there are people that have been doing Black Friday literally their whole adult lives. Traditions have to start somewhere, and that sounds like a solid start of one.

Except not really, because, as I wrote, a majority of those regressive zombies supported these progressive ideas.

Offhand, I know a few people that have been doing that since the turn of the century. (I just wrote it like that to make it sound like a really long time. But still, 15 years is long enough to make a tradition.)