1. Bring back Craig Ferguson and let him do whatever the fudge he wants.

“Early reports indicate Hamm will play a sadistic Midwestern crime boss who gets off on dragging his victims around his hideout by their testicles using the claw end of a hammer.”

The reason I know I’m from a different generation than Matt Schimkowitz is that where his mind went immediately to a Borat reference, my mind went immediately to a Talking Heads song.

Fun fact! The middle part of the Big Mac bun is called the “club”, the top part is the “crown” and the bottom part is the “heel.” The Big Mac is derived from the original Big Boy burger. It also uses the same burger patties as their regular hamburgers, 1.6 oz each.

Can we not call these people piolets anymore? I don’t want to break hot air balloon people’s balls, but jesus christ, lets be real here. 90% of what they are doing “turn up the flame on the burner”

A Canadian train ride or a Ride in a Geneva Hot Air balloon. What could be more peaceful?

Yeah...I can see why that is age restricted.

BTW, did anybody notice in those new T-Mobile commercials that Turk Turkleton looks like he hasn’t aged a day since prime Scrubs, yet J.D. looks like he’s starting to resemble Bob Kelso?

Scrubs cast and creator say they're ready to do a revival, but only under any circumstances. 

Just what we need: more pointless “content” starring some kind of CGI monstrosity.

I see something scarier than an ax or a chainsaw or any other yardworking tool every day in people’s hands as they drive

Is that weird Peewee looking guy Vince Vance? Is he in the band? What does he play? Is the girl singing Vince Vance? Is she supposed to be in love with Peewee-guy or the dog?

That was the saddest, most depressing chimp story ever. I can’t imagine one possibly being worse. 

Poor bastard looks like Peter Dutton after the maulin’.

I’ll bite your face off if you put a limit on my Bananas Foster.

“We generally try, when reporting”

It’s like he saw that motivational poster saying “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” and this was the best shot he could think of.

Just like a G35 driver to bring an axe to a car fight.

“The incident came to a CRASHENDO on East U.S. Route...”

That chimp never bit her face off for the same reason he has congestive heart failure: bottomless Bananas Foster with extra rum.