I like how she is so dainty and elegant as she chews and kicks back a 40.

You speak the truth. Nordstrom is the Queen of big (US) retail chains. I, too, want to move into the women's lounge. Or their dressing rooms.

"BEING IN that place WITH MY MOTHER is my nightmare."

FTFY. I love my mom, but dammit if she doesn't have to look at every *$%#*^ thing in that whole store when we go in together. NR is bad enough on its own, but this extended window-shopping session makes me twitchy. It is my own ring of Hell.

So now that we're officially internet-engaged Uber (because that's how I choose to interpret your star), can you please get me out of Grey Hell? I promise I'll put out.

"I can't decide whether it looks more like a pizza made out of human skin and sprinkled with cinnamon-flavored meth or whether that's merely the surface of a roiling cauldron filled with pepto bismol and rendered yeti parts."

Marry me.

Also, I believe I can clear up at least part of the Hamburger Noodle Casserole…

I like how you think and would like to subscribe to your Notepad network.

Three cats in this house, and one is obsessed with drinking from my cup/glass. Gave in to the cup w/ lid thing ages ago. Saves headaches (and computer keyboards). It is easier to change your lifestyle than to reason with a cat. #fuckyourcup #logitechsbestkeyboardcustomer

I was kinda waiting for that to be the punchline. And what about the kids' first names? I was thinking of maybe "Ylang-Ylang."

Ylang-Ylang Cabang-Macadangdang.

"Official bikini inspector Adam Levine...."
"Uncannily humanlike bag of dicks Adam Levine..."

I am 5'4" woman and have dated many men my own height or even a little shorter. Last week I met a totally hot (smart, cute) dude the other day who was about my height and I would have totally been all over that if I had been single (and he had been single). As many women who avoid dating men who are on the short side,…

I grew up in the 70s, so Halloween meant kids actually trick-or-treated, and without parents necessarily walking (or driving) them door-to-door. One of the best Halloweens was when my bff and my little brother and I were trick-or-treating and went a little out of our comfort zone and started knocking on doors of…

Animal Planet is killing me with this clip. It's making me "I don't even" with cute. But does a putting a hedgehog in an inflatable pool seem like a bad idea to anyone else? No? Just me? Ok.

I loved this song then, and I love it now.

Thought the headline meant this Peaches. I was confused, but could imagine her up for it.

Bees don't scare me, but Simone's reaction was adorable. I guarantee you when I see a spider, I do not cute-scare like she did.

"...my vagina feels more healthy and soft and this stiff doesn't have the sand paper feel..." And then this came to mind. No idea why. .__.

To me, this speech looks rehearsed to death, down to artificially faux-jitters. Regardless of what she truly felt (perhaps a mixture of both of our interpretations), she always comes off as insincere in her sincerity, if that makes sense. Her earnestness seems exaggerated, like she is just acting insecure. I get the…