I’d still take his sad outcome over the other guy’s:

What’s more fun that a 6'10" quasi-fatty who jacks it every time he touches it.

You misunderstand me. I’m friends with a shark bite victim so it’s cool

This is just like the time when I broke my hand playing Golden Tee, while drunk at a bar. I eventually recovered physically, but the mental scars remained. Can’t tell you how many times I was asked to play. But I just couldn’t.

Depends on the beer you want. Making stock American beer is easy.

1. Drink a non-American beer. Australian, German, or Belgium are good starting places.

Well, you can’t go wrong with a mascot named “Dinger” that has a purple head.

I once made a fort out of empty beer cans.

Peter Pan is kind of a dipshit in that movie. Tell me this isn’t a punchable face. He’s the fairytale Jimmy Clausen.

“I did not have sexual relations with that girl”
“I should spend tens of millions of dollars investigating this and try to get this man impeached!”
-Ken Starr 1997

“Did I rape her? I mean...”
“Good enough for me!”
-Ken Starr 2016

Vivek Ranadive just asked his scouting dept. to find this guy.

So he bites as an announcer, too?

I assume a Browns jersey comes out.

Show of hands, who read that as eats his own shit at a first glance?

Typical of soccer to have an important match decided in a shootout.

Spoken like someone who has never been high at 4am before.

Basketball, like life is about adjustments. They adjust to you. You adjust back. Sometimes you get too caught up in it and you end up in some crazy combination and you have no idea how you got there. This is how Bogut ended up barely playing the past few games. It is also how I ended up having a threesome with the…

Look. I know it’s Bryce Harper and all, but this isn’t news. Everyone knows when you haven’t even had the chance to stroke a dong in a while, when you finally get one it’s gonna shoot the fuck outta there.

Isn’t kinda disrespectful for a judge to address lawyers by their first names rather than Counselor? This is clearly not a friendly working relationship, so seems like a breach of ettiquette on his part. True, or nah?