My personal favorite:

Thank you. I don’t know what the fascination with butter is in this instance, but coconut oil works best and it’s not even close. And hey, it’s also pretty good for you!

I’m sorry but trading Dudley (a rotation wing) and a 1st round pick to clear space to overpay a backup big isn’t a good move. That 1st round pick could have been used to trade for any number of good players. They could have signed Paul Pierce to play the 4 for them and figured out a backup big.

This beer is lives up to the hype and then some. Being from Iowa, I am used to being disappointed with things that are supposed to be good (looking at you Kirk Ferentz), so it’s a nice change of pace to have something that is supposed to be reallygood end up being actually wonderful. Toppling Goliath has other great…

you do realize it doesn't take that long...we are just avoiding doing all sorts of other tasks...smart phones/tablets have only made this 10x worse.

OK, related question: why does it take you guys so long to shit?

We get it all done while you are getting ready in the bathroom

Yes indeed. I usually fish saltwater around the Chesapeake Bay, and it’s so serene. Even when I’m shore fishing and don’t catch a thing, at least I spent the day chillin by the water. Sometimes we’ll cook some of our catch right after. Doesn’t get fresher.

One of my pothead friends isn’t really into fishing, which comes as a shock to me cause it’s one of the absolute best things to do stoned. Found out he’s only been twice, so there’s still hope to show him the light.

PRO TIP: Pour the strained, melted butter into icecube trays and let them cool. Each “butter cube” is normally around two tablespoons, so this really helps when it comes to baking!

In the same vein, I once made chicken pot pie for a pun-loving stoner’s birthday, and the slight herb flavor was a delicious addition. Less easy, but similarly dangerous.

His problem is he's not a team player. The Thunder definitely would have made the playoffs if he had been a traditional point guard. Instead of driving to the basket for dunks, he should kick out to teammates like Dion Waiters and Andre Robeson.

If anybody would be prepared for KD leaving after 1 year, it’s him.

I hope they can rinse all that santorum off of it.

Follow up, how much Kohls Cash did you use and or save on this purchase? Did you have to buy socks to get to the minimum to get the extra 15% off? I bet Congress is looking for something to waste their time on these days.

Lou Holtz slobbering everywhere while he talks.

In many ways, he's the ideal of a modern English midfielder.

Peter King was doing that shit when Broussard was still in diapers.

this is like 12 levels of dumb

Also: how did someone manage to do a hit-and-run in a fucking parking lot, in front of cops, and get away?