I think this joke clearly went over everyone’s head.

Oh, is Pedro Sandoval fat, too?

It works on so many levels!

Came for this sort of action:

I mean, Miami’s desperate, but a baseball player?

I was warned about you. They said TimmyFitz was the toughest comment section fact checker on the world wide web. I see they were right.

You ever been to a bodega? You mind your own business regarding the hundred arguments a night there or else you might catch an avocado in the kisser.

The driver couldn’t hear the impacts because he was rocking out to some old-school Metallica:

Or he’s willing to take Katz, the alleged victim, at her word. Doesn’t seem too crazy to me...

Saw the tag for “Orbit” and was curious if Deadspin had anything else on the mascot.

4. Nancy Kerrigan. Just seven weeks after getting kneecapped by Tonya Harding’s goons, Kerrigan went out and skated her off in Norway on one knee, only to get a silver medal for it. Silver! FUCK YOU, JUDGES. I didn’t see Oksana Baiul skating out there with half her LCL missing. NANCY WAS ROBBED. I want medals for her…

Pesky boulders never do what you want them to.

“Long story short... Even though many of them don’t like admitting it, the brain’s a mystery to the experts in the field. They can testify on most common outcomes but there are always outliers way outside those most common outcomes.”

Yeah, what a heads up play.

I’m gonna go with having a sunken-in meth face at age 35.

Jordan would have let it slide to make sure the team covered.

I once had a state trooper who was CONVINCED my digital tire gauge was a crack pipe, and got all up in my face about it until i told him to press the button and the display lit up. It was balanced out by his partner recognizing it immediately and laughing his ass off behind the dumbass the whole time, which made it…

You lift your foot completely off the pedal and sit Indian-style in the car.

“The only man to truly come close is Cormier”