Chuck Berry is interested in your video intern positions.

Those are the same noises Margaret Thatcher made when the batteries in her Ronald Reagan vibrator died.

Thanks, Ben. It was nice of you to show the Plumlee's vertical dexterity against a team they were BEATING BY 43 POINTS.

I'd superimpose his head on one of Donald Ewen Cameron's shock therapy patients. That'd be funny.

He wasn't ineligible, he was just on double-secret probation.

Instead of jumping the broom, the couple decided to do tandem DDT's on the maid of honor and best man.

Just got home from work, and didn't intend to drink. Then I saw my Clemson Tigers getting pummeled by 18 early, and decided to open up the Christian Brothers. Fuck it.

A bleep fucktion is what Lions fans have needed since 2000.

That same parachute guy was asked by Red Sox fans to swoop in and grab Calvin Schiraldi and drop him in the East River.

They should use the World Cup system. Then of course the Patriots would be Brazil, the Jets would be Spain, and whoever wins the NFC West would be San Marino.

This game is as delightfully awful as I thought it would be. I think I'll just watch GOL TV's rerun of that Barcelona-Real Madrid thumping.

The only thing better than watching Madrid crumble was listening to Ray Hudson describe it in his usual "crazy uncle who got hold of the hidden bourbon stash" exuberance.

Big Ben bitchslapped, Finnegan punched out. I expect either Eli Manning or Phillip Rivers to get "accidentally" kicked in the nuts next week.

As a Barcelona fan, I wished for a 4-0 victory. I never thought it would come to fruition. And we still have 27 minutes left.

"We will not rest until whoever's responsible for this is brought to justice. Now, let's get a bite to eat."

R.I.P. to a legend. One of the funniest actors ever.

Dewayne Bowe: a TD catching machine.

Shaun Smith: when he's not punching O-linemen in the crotch, he's scoring TDs.

Andre Johnson vs. Coutland Finnegan lasted about as long as the Martinez-Williams fight last week.

You gotta feel sorry for Brady Quinn. Not because Peyton Hillis is making him look obsolete in the trade, but because Hillis is so awesome this season that anybody could be QB for the Browns and have a chance of winning. That anybody should be him.