Is it me, or does Anon have as many drunken hookup failure stories in his lifetime as Troy Tulowitzki has HRs this September?

So the only thing the shark didn't eat was the head? Must've been a female shark, because what male would pass up a little head, amirite?

Unless Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt are there to confirm it, that was no Twister.

@Bobby Big Wheel: Ice Cube would file this under #myjimmysodeepitputherbuttoslee...

After that video, the chair she was sitting on was found in the garbage can do to "a pungent odor resembling raw sewage".

All of a sudden, the scene where Samuel L. Jackson is killed in Deep Blue Sea just popped in my head.

Pushing someone's intestines back into their abdomen is the #1 requirement of Lincoln Financial Field stadium attendants during Eagles games.

I wish I was on the Jets practice field and they throwing me pass patterns by her as well

Peter King thinks Sally Jenkins comments are "a disgrace".

After Lollapalooza, we were inundated with hoopster sightings

Ironically, he was caught wearing a "Rock Out With Your Cock Out" cap.

@Steve U: He also thinks that Brady is in need of a Cross Country Check Up.

Of course Jets fans wouldn't leave early. Most are so drunk that by the 4th quarter Fireman Ed needs a designated driver to find his seat.

The little girl in the middle has the Raekwon scowl down to a T.

clams have feelings too

How To Ruin Your Father's Wedding To A Gold-Digging Whore

The next time he wins at the Australian Open, he'll have John Cleese running on the court yelling "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!"

Everybody Hates LeBron

I am glad that we won, but the winner of the AFC West will be 9-7 or maybe 8-8 at best.

@FiddlingWhileJimRomeBurns: I can't believe we won that game. I am thoroughly convinced that someone in heaven likes me.