Is her father friends with a guy named Nal Nowlings?

That can't be WGN. There weren't any references to Bill Veeck or the Dan Ryan Expressway.

America's most miserable sports city? I'd say whichever one Jay Mariotti is lurking in.

The sisters of Theta Pi are dying to keep a secret

Their school mascot? You guessed it: Marlee Matlin.

"Just tell me if it's a good place to pass out at, and I'm there." — John Daly

Is she mad because she wasn't invited to the Leitch live chat?

Where was this during last years MLS Cup Final? - Landon Donovan

That'll be used as the opening act in season 2 of The T.O. Show.

He forgot about Vince Wilfork losing 5 pounds in the offseason.

She'll always have her career as a Perkins' waitress to fall back on.

She'll always have her career as a Perkins' waitress to fall back on.

Because he has a discernable lack of talent, it would be only fair that he gets his own VH1 reality show.

I hope Will bought enough money for the multiple shots of Red Bull & vodka A.J. will need to fully forget that Sarah Silverman chat.

You're like the 14th person who's called me today

You people have no idea what depths Cushing would do to ensure that the Texans finish last in their division.

That is the closest Charlie Manuel has ever gotten to a model.

INTebow

Meanwhile, Tim Duncan's Twitter acoount is just a giant picture of him staring at you.

Tase Yo'selves Before You Wreck Yo'selves