FIBER!

I’ma disrupt disruption, and get RICH. Just as soon as I’m done innovating Innovation.

From a wad of patented plastic.

Millie Helper, Laura Petrie’s next door neighbor on the Dick VanDyke Show, in the 1960s, said, “slay.”

Jesus. That’s how you think this works? No wonder he was closeted.

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING [brown] SAY SOMETHING.

...for breaking someone’s school art project.

Clean the litter box.

Old Spice is sort of quasi-sanctioned B.O..

And stamina! Clearly she was about to drop dead, and her dangerous woman parts were falling out. That’s why she needed to wear pants, and not a proper skirt.

Maybe his outfit looked really good that day.

You know, there was just something about her I didn’t like.<coughvaginacough> She just didn’t have a smile I could trust. Plus, both parties are the same.

I’ve ordered flowers from them three times, and all three arrangements have been beautiful, and each lasted a bizarrely long time. One thing to know: if you upgrade in size, you get additional identical bouquets, not a single larger bouquet. But they’ve been lovely, and lush.

I’ve ordered flowers from them three times, and all three arrangements have been beautiful, and each lasted a…

Fighting for custody of the crown molding, using the hateful Love It or List It couple as attorneys. I’m so there.

It’s like they’re melting, visually.

HGTV is always on in my therapist’s waiting room, and I usually start each session by giving her a three sentence rundown of why the house-hunting couple should just get divorced, already. It’s usually about Ranch VS Craftsman, but sometimes it’s about dual narcissism, or light VS dark simulated wood flooring.

Love your username! ❤️❤️❤️

Eye privilege.

Wasn’t ‘Cam Newton’ Frasier’s upstairs neighbor, with whom he feuded? It’s like French Montana/French Stewart. I don’t like when my nineties TV and my online gossip blog reality collide.

And even if there weren’t special programs for uptighty whitey types: BOOTSTRAPS! Create your own! No one’s stopping you from having the palest study group ever. PUT DOWN THE CURLING IRON AND SHOW SOME INITIATIVE, LADIEEEEE.