When I was about eight, my cousin and I each received a silver half dollar as gifts. One afternoon, we were hanging out on a balcony on the back of our house and I pretended to toss mine out into the lawn from the second story balcony. Then I talked my cousin into giving me hers, “reasoning” that if I threw hers the…

I am the late Don Knotts.

Eeek.

“She has more lines than I do and she’s a GOD DAMN MUTE!”

Mmm, I didn’t mean that I thought her intention was to reference Cathy Moriarty, just that this particular photograph reminds me of her. Weirdly enough, I just watched Soap Dish last weekend. Everybody was so young!

She’s reminding me of a young Cathy Moriarty here.

IRL, he does seem to be an asshole. He does seem ultra-douchey and hypocritical. But still, an antonym is not a variation.

HOW DAAAAAAARE YOOOOUUUUU

But he’s not just “technically” in character, he’s literally in character. The character in the clip is a right wing, corporate fat cat. Baldwin is a left wing, anti-corporate creative artist. In a show that existed to ridicule the attitudes his character espoused. Hardly an example of self-caricature.

While I’m not a fan of white people involuntary “pan-Asian” tomfoolery, the article is really about “a social movement that shows you what it would look like if today’s Hollywood blockbusters cast an Asian-American actor as their leading man.” So your Japanese and my Taiwanese/Malaysian candidates are kosher. So to…

Godfrey Gao, please and thank you.

You do realize that that is a character Alec Baldwin is playing... right? Just like Cho isn't really a meth smuggler?

No, but the theme was arguably, “men are dogs/will do anything to see bewbs.”

The thinking is about at this level of sophistication.

“Now, do you have to make, before we leave? Now’s your chance... don’t make that face at me, I’m only asking because I don’t want you to have to worry about it later. Don’t you roll your eyes at me either, god forbid I show a little concern. Sure, sigh, make a big sigh, I’m terrible. I’m a monster, I’m so sorry.…

I know I’m old, because my instinct is to tell him to hold still, while I lick a paper napkin and wipe it off of his face.

Maybe you should stop throwing rocks at him.

So: decades ago.

For decades?

Maybe if Tobe Hooper was directing, and not Tom.