It's available on Amazon video!

Beaver Cleaver did a bad thing, too. Although, it was really Gilbert’s fault.

Nope, nope, nope. Sarandon has the huge, buggy Davis eyes. Lange has the Crawford build and swagger. It's perfect.

Joan Fontaine gets Best Simpering Award for The Women, though. My favorite line of hers, regarding her husband’s distaste for Roz, uttered with confusion:

I crow, “BUTTCHA AHHHH, BLANCHE, YA AHHHH!” at my mom, weekly. I don’t think she’s ever seen the movie, but she never says anything in response, I think primarily because she feels it might be mistaken for encouragement.

Me, and Maria Shriver.

If you can get out, don't come back.

My real has been surreal for a while now. It reminds me of laying upside down on my bed as a kid, and pretending the ceiling was the floor, to freak myself out. Only then I just had to roll over and go get some Bugles when I got spooked.

Chinese New Year, with grocery store sushi.

Lime green hasn't had the best taco bowl, the Trump Taco Bowl. What a loser. So sad.

IKR? Lately I have to go lay down so much, my legs are atrophying.

LITERALLLLY

It's like she's doing a mic drop, but nobody told her you have to let go of the mic.

Yep. (I should have mentioned I’m a gay man, and I find it necessary to do this with both high-ranking men and women.)

I am even older. I am condemning your lawn through eminent domain. Please be gone in 48 hours.

I am no millennial* but as a “Creative,” I’m not supposed to have strategic or intellectual insights, so I use the phrase a lot when presenting to “upper leadership.” For me, it’s mostly a matter of wanting to be perceived as “humbly suggesting,” because most of them are too insecure and pompous to accept more direct…

That’s it, you’re out of my will. AND I MIGHT NOT LAST THE WEEKEND AS I MY MOTHER IS VISITING.

I watched an episode of Petticoat Junction recently, and it was a crossover episode with Green Acres. They used the phrase multiple times, and now I am finished with it for several lifetimes. That shit is like a monochromatic Lawrence Welk/sucrose IV, with a laugh track.