At first, I thought it was twenty pair of granny panties, arranged. It worried me more than the coffin thing.

Happily, the Streisand Effect will likely ensure that we’ll see her on at least one national morning show, and she’ll have a few choice words for the petty, withered schmuck.

To me, the highish neckline, combined with the tight smocking there combines to look like the designer was given a creative brief of, “Represent sudden onset anxiety.”

I figured that out after a few hours: I can be slow on the uptake. : )

You be you, the best you, and if that means smashing bananas onto unlikely foods, fly your tropical freak flag all over this sticky counter.

The kitchen is closed until 11:00 AM. That sounds lovely though. I'll take three.

I bought pricey wood blinds years ago from a catalog, and I think the assholes sold my name and address to every window covering resource in North America.

Yep. Want one while I'm up?

Wait: WHAT KIND OF SICK FUCK IS PREVENTING US FROM BUTTERING OUR AVOCADO TOAST. THIS ISNT FUNNY ANY MORE. WHO IS MAKING US CHOOSE. I WILL USE BUTTER ANNNND AVOCADO ON MY AVOCADO TOAST, AND I WILL ADD SOME GODDAMN MAYO IF I FEEL LIKE IT. AND RED PEPPER FLAKES

[Is shoved forward by my mom, hangs head, shuffles about and mumbles]

Hey. HEY.

Huh? I want to shred that fugly beast of a garment. Tossing it in a wood chipper implies I’m worried? Only about any bits of it being salvageable afterward.

I used to get a horrible catalog called “Country Curtains.”

Machine = wood chipper, in this instance.

My mom believed Anita Hill, and was vocal about it: except when my stepfather was around. Which was a huge eye-opener for me, and a catalyst for my confronting my stepfather about years of sexual abuse he’d inflicted on my sister and me.

Yes. And misguided, overprivileged college freshmen who believe they alone discovered something of immense value. (Just wait until they bump up against pyramid schemes with their lunch money.)

He’s a sovereign citizen, and knows where to put the umlauts and tildes in his pleadings.

Hmm. I wonder if the people who write long, multi-paragraph screeds online using only (apparently random, and malformed) ellipses for breaks are neophyte QLPSG-ers.

It's like John Galt for stupid people.