Brings back flashbacks of Jessica Simpson’s dad being super pumped about her boobs. Of course he later turned out to be gay which is MAYBE less weird (I’m well endowed and a fair number of my gay friends are pretty fascinated by my rack) but yeah... ick.

You forgot “small batch”.

Did you see that Courtney Stodden shaved her head after a miscarriage? And we all know about Britney starting that extremely depressing trend.

Justin gets his penis from his mother, I don’t care to see it, I think Trump is creepier; at least Beiber Sr didn’t say he’d be dating his son if they weren’t related.

Are you happy? They're not. You win.

Yay for useless degrees! Turns out I cannot maths, or remember how old I am, LeAnn Rimes is only one year younger than I am.

I just posted a pic of my peed on shirt with a “yep,Dad now” type comment when JujyJr was a baby and never mentioned my kid’s penis because it wasn’t necessary or appropriate.

Brooklyn, near Barclays. Please c’mon by. Pizza and beer. My wife asked what vinyl I wanted and I sent a list. Gonna be a good time!

When I watch a reality show, say ‘Top Chef,’ and hear them list their accomplishments and then on the screen it will say age 27 I always get depressed (I turned 34 last month). It’s like these are real people who have done so much. I don’t have a James Beard award! I don't have any awards! I really don’t want to be…

Comparisons are odious. The older you get, the more successful people who are younger than you there will be. (These are the kind of platitudes we old people offer.)

Yeah, but he’s still not Kanye; that gets points from me.

I think you mean ‘Sean P Diddy Puffy Daddy Combs’.

Where you live? Pizza is bomb.

And “homemade.” Fuuuuuuuucccck. How words work? Shoulda gone whole hog and said “artisanal.” Also tamari with chipotle doesn’t sound yum. And is coconut nectar what exactly? Oil? Or?

The “chips” in question look like chunky tabbouleh that’s gone off. Plus, it’s five fucking dollars, it’s made by Juice(™), and it hit the trifecta of tired white American people shit by carrying a little ironic Keep Calm and [cutesy action here] slogan.

Not everyone needs career success! You have a great relationship, congrats on that.

Obsessed with this thing ;) :D

Does anyone else get depressed when they find out celebrities are younger than they are? Britney Spears is a few months younger than I am, LeAnne Rimes is two whole years younger than I am. What have I done with my life? I have a reputation among local non profits for being able to use a database, and married the best…

good thing a) they weren’t black, and b) the cops weren’t American.

Day 3 of @soulcycle and loving it!