I think I have one that will finally top the pumpkin seed story. I hope you agree and decide to post it as its own article:

Did you marry that girl?

I feel very conflicted about giving this comment a "recommend."

Read this while eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. I think the fact that she stated more than once that it was just pumkin seed and no fecal matter made it bearable. I mean, I'm glad she's alive, but pumpkin ass-shards sounds more painful than gross!

When I was a very little girl, I wanted to be a telephone operator when I grew up. Lily Tomlin made it look like a fine career. I thought you just had to be funny all the time. Sounded good to me.

These "child shoots mother/brother/sister/neighbor" stories are heartbreaking. Because this child's mother was so irresponsible, this little boy will have to live his entire life with the burden of having killed her. Hopefully he's too young to remember.

Law-abiding gun owners. Responsible gun owners. Centaurs with golden colons. Mermaids with emerald sphyncters.

My uncle tells a great story of his mom making mac and cheese that he thought she'd added pepper to... nope, little black bugs because the stuff was from 1975.

Christine, I'm beginning my transition at age 46. It's been really, really hard, but I'm starting, and I think I can do it. I have a good friend who is also starting to transition, and a co-worker my age who began her transition just last year. It is never, never, never too late. If you haven't been to a counselor,…

Other people here can offer you much better insight and advice on the particular ways in which the world has hurt you and the ways in which it has not allowed you to be the person you know you are.

Referring to women with male pronouns because of their appearance is pretty much transmisogyny.

If some jerk-off started doing this around me, I want to slap him, too.

Normalcy is an illusion.

when she gets it right, she gets it really fucking right.

OF COURSE IT DOES. i got fired once, my mom came and got me, bought me chinese food and mai tais. i do have to say, it's pretty clean. it's just....bare bones, and all locals of my neigborhood/surrounding areas. aka boston accents everywhere.

come to boston. there is a place near me that has the fucking best 'american' chinesefood i have ever had. it's fucking fresh. none of it is greasy. it isn't too heavy. it is the beeest. take out is great, but it's also super great and divey which is also so fun.

About 45 seconds in there's a shudder. That's not balancing or futzing with the camera, that's aw shit I tore the scab off so let's git this job done.

My best friend tells everyone she's growing her hair out to donate to Locks of Love. She may be donating it... but I know the real reason is for the topless snapchats she'll be able to send her husband before.