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WOT ARE JOO TAHHKEN ABHOUT? I HAVE KAHNSTITUTIONAL RHHHIGHTS.

As a fake internet attorney, let me preemptively address the knotty legal arguments from those who would ask “What about his right to free speech?”: Shut the fuck up you fucking idiot

Friend: “How’d your date go?”

If you haven’t watched Randy Rainbow’s interview with Trump then what are you even doing.

Why doesn’t Jesus eat M&Ms?

I’m not surprised. He can’t protect the shotgun on the field so why would anyone expect him to do it off the field?

The gay spirits will rise from the corpses and haunt the funeral home forever with festive parties and a keen fashion sense.

I would have thought burning the body of a gay man (and getting paid for it) would be quite pleasurable for the bigot class.

WTF, man, you let your wife win that 2 beers argument. Because now, when your buddy mentions in front of her that you two were out and ran into your ex-girlfriend at the bar, and you say you only had two beers with her before you guys went to the Yankees game, you are busted and screwed.

Anything involving raw chicken is the worst with cooking. Constantly having to wash your hands and utensils, especially when simultaneously preparing a side dish.

No, it means he’s calling him a whore. I don’t know Stephen Colbert on a personal level, but I am 100% sure he’s not homophobic. Cool attempt to gin up controversy though.

Get him a tortoise. Not only do they just suck, but they continue being worthless for 80 years. Which means that after he’s dead and gone, someone in his family will have to take care of it as well. It’s a big, shelled fuck you to generations of Brooks’

Clearly he plays Pedroia, who gives a climactic speech over the PA system that ends racism in Boston forever.

host John Dickerson backed Donald Trump into a literal corner

Man, remember when we were all calling Dubya a fascist and blasting punk protest songs from bands like NOFX from the half blown speakers of our early 90s Accords in our high school parking lots?

“What if Commander Riker were a 90s tv mom?”

Dude what? You know that hospitals aren’t in charge of names, right? Jesus fucking Christ.

Every single thing about this, from the bird massacre to the ripping off of the people of that city, is just one huge fucking dumpster fire.

I can solve this. Make a special piece of eyewear in the game that makes female soldiers in multiplayer appear as males to the player wearing them. To balance things out, players wearing these . . . we’ll call them Cock Goggles . . . players wearing Cock Goggles appear as giant flaming penises to everyone else.