I often feel bad for Customer Service employees, but the “service” provided by United has traditionally been so awful that my guess is the handbook relies on something like “offer customers blank stare.”

I heard a long interview with BJK last week (Fresh Air, maybe?) and it was an amazing reminder of what a smart, funny, together person she is. Brilliant athlete, otal pioneer, complete survivor, savvy businesswoman - and now those sunglasses? Why isn’t she running for something?

Pretty much everything about Prince Philip is amazing considering he’s 94. Man has the constitution of a tortoise.

I don’t know quite how she’s done it, but Kidman seems to have prematurely entered the Joan Crawford zone. that is, the only question really to be asked when she makes a film is, “Is it any worse than…?” for Crawford, the film was Straitjacket; for Kidman, it will always be Grace of Monaco. For this one, I think the…

(proud confederate flag lovin sobs)

I was thinking something along the lines of Mystery Date (and, if you’re of a certain age, you’re welcome for having that song in your head for the rest of the day).

They are, in their own way, a surprisingly thrifty family. This is the same pram they’ve been using at least since the ‘40s, and it wouldn’t surprise me that much if it had been the Queen’s and Princess Margaret’s. Princess Anne is still wearing clothes from shortly after her first wedding in the ‘70s, and of course…

My parents raised me as a 74-year old. My first words were “Get off my damn lawn”.

That’s been a big question for me, especially the last two years as things got really crazy. I’m not sure that even now it’s entirely faked when it comes to some of the local celebs - if so, they are truly the greatest actors around. But to rope in someone with the personal management and legal team of someone like…

Of course it was a setup. This show, in variations, has been a Ramadan staple for years. It started when the host, Ramez Galal (who really can be funny) had a celebrity guest come into his building, take an elevator up, and when the doors opened, be confronted by a live, apparently uncaged lion (or at least that was…

I’ve never been a “reality” TV fan, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a snippet of film of Kim, but whatever she’s doing, it works for her.

I got out of bed and went into my sitting-room (only in my dressing gown) and alone, and saw them.

In before the inevitable “tent pitching” gags. I know it’s tempting, guys, but just don’t do it.

... the day I stop being carded I’m gonna lose it.

I always preferred “Vee-jay,” but I’m just about exactly the right age for that. I was genuinely excited to run across Martha Quinn on Sirius the other day...

Slaves did not lose their dignity because the government allowed them to be enslaved. My employees did not lose their dignity because I kept trying to show them my dick and putting my pubic hairs on their drinks. If we’re being honest with each other, I’m not sure what the word dignity means. What’s happening, again?…

That Louis Vuitton shirt is so utterly ultra-douchey that I’m convinced that that person must have bought it second-hand at Scott Storch’s bankruptcy fire sale.

I just don’t get the new, ultra-casual girl Barbie. Yes, from the beginnign she’s been the “Teenage Fashion Model,” but to me she’ll always be a worldly, hard-boiled gal with a dynamite New Look-inspired wardrobe...

Your comment made me realize that, in reading this piece, I had glanced over the photos, thought, “Burt Reynolds,” and never once queried myself as to why this particular image was included with this story. The mind is a funny thing...

[Scuttles off to Image Google “Rob Ryan.” Is not disappointed. Returns.]