Do you really not understand how gossip columns employ innuendo as they do their lighthearted “reporting”? Do you really think it matters to a gossip columnist what the real (i.e., boring) reason was for Kelce not being at the opening? They’re having a laugh, man.

I can see you’re upset by the breathless, snarky tone of gossip columns. A style which quite regularly presents simple, easily-explained facts or situations as if they have some sort of great significance or contain some sort of spicy portent. The kinds of things that are purposely not fact checked, because that would…

Yeah, that is a pretty important distinction.

Every news site and service in the world is covering the shit out of the situation right now. It is quite literally impossible to escape it. What more could any of the G/O sites really add?

This seems like a good idea for someone like me. I have discovered I like the idea of onion rings more than the reality. They smell awesome, and the first 4 or 5 taste awesome, but the enjoyment curve drops off precipitously after that. (I have found that I have the same issue with mini donuts.) So, a fries/rings…

That’s the thing though - from what I can see, the phrase is being used in a light and humourous way. When someone on Twitter asks a question like this, then even I have to admit that shit’s pretty funny:

I found that rather jarring myself. My first thought was: what does “serving cunt” mean, anyway? I wondered whether the c-word was simply used in place of “women.” Surely not? As in, the suit would not only keep the wearer alive, but would also serve the women who would be wearing it, because (unlike the old suits) it…

And we’re somehow surprised that over and over again, they occasionally blow up in our faces when they’re not supposed to...

He is lawfully permitted to carry a concealed firearm

Not sure whether you’re joking, but it’s pronounced “sky”, apparently.

As far as fandoms go, I’ll take Swifties over NFL folk every time.

Hi, Papoo; nice to hear from you. A fine weekend to you as well.

the Chanel pink and black cover art of her riding a horse with a bejeweled festival headband

..and honestly, the Bible is pretty clear about God being mocked...

Wait a beat after he leaves his partner of over ten years

True; it’s really just gossip, isn’t it? I guess you figure it’s just a coincidence you read it in a gossip column. A gossip column called Dirt Bag. A gossip column called Dirt Bag that you clicked on and read. You see where I’m going with this?

having a nice well manicured lawn is very nice

Have you considered having less grass? What do you do with all that lawn? What might you do with all those newfound hours of freedom if you got rid of it? (I’m not being a dick, I’m sincerely interested.)

“It was just a little gun.”