Same here. It was perfect.

a manual transmission is a serious distraction from paying attention to the road

Her toddler children will be only attending “woke college” over her “dead body.”

“Chief, the DNA results are back, and...well...” “Spit it out, sergeant!” “Sir, the pilot was....[dramatic organ music] your FATHER!” “What? Oh my god!” “But don’t take it too hard. The pilot was also my father!” “WHAT?!?” “Yep, and you know Suzette in dispatch? Hers too. And also the guy that delivers the water. And…

Shouldn’t these gentlemen have been accused of being paedos and groomers by now? These are lone men hanging out in a park filled with kids, for goodness sake! C’mon America, isn’t that how y’all roll?

I have been known to say, jokingly, “a friend is someone who will help you move. A best friend is someone who will help you move a body.” But for a mother to say “If you need to dispose of a body, I’ll show up with a shovel and garbage bags” seems seriously fucked up, even to me.

Is it simply the fact that I’m Canadian that makes me wonder how this performance could possibly be described as “mangling” the anthem? I watch a lot of sports, so I have heard a hell of a lot of actual manglings of your anthem (like, really bad ones), and it sure doesn’t feel like this was one of them. Now, I’m one…

Laughing my Canadian ass off over the labeling of the Model 3 as the official car of “Ontario, Canada.” Do you have any idea how big and diverse Ontario is? Well, it takes up more than 350,000 square miles, with everything from fertile farmland to tundra. North to south it extends from about the 42nd to the 57th…

Mrs. Muck will not be pleased with you. I haven’t thought about Fred in years, but this means he will be visiting again in the coming days, striking a few seductive poses and adjusting his rather elaborate network of trusses.

Mrs. Muck and I have a rule that we must stop and have something at any restaurant that has a prominent “EAT” sign. (Enough of them have gone the way of the dinosaur that we have found this to be a manageable rule in most of NA.)

I think you’re Rying!!!

Look, it’s the first honest thing Shitstain has posted (the last part of the sentence, anyway):

I’m surprised skim milk isn’t chosen more often. If I’m going to have to dump milk over myself on a hot day, I want as little fat in there as possible.

“Calm that shit down, y’all act like gentlemen when y’all in our presence.”

To the kids in the greys wailing that there’s “no evidence” Penny did this because Neely was black, I wonder what you would accept as evidence. By “no evidence”, do you mean the fact that Penny didn’t clearly state that that was his motivation as he choked a man to death? That he wasn’t wearing his “I hate black…

I’m thinking maybe she just ended up mixing her messages a bit here. We had the bit about the suitability of the trophy for stabbing the oppressors. Okay, good. Then, she gives a salute/battle cry to vajayjay-havers, using “up the vajayjay!” in the sense of “up the revolution!, while thrusting the trophy triumphantly…

“Humans have had it coming for a long time.” *slow, dismissive wanking gesture*

“old-school adventurers who make no apologies for who we are.”

He claims AM radio is the “backbone” of emergency broadcasts, conveniently forgetting that cell phones now provide this capability.

Is that header pic what Wilde wore to the wedding? Because I’m far less interested in the colour of the dress than I am in finding out why she has Nick Fury’s eyepatch strapped across her chest.