See Americans, you can have a populist despot and have fun at the same time!

Yeah its so boring which is why I remember exactly how she looked, what she said, what she was wearing, how she tasted, how she felt... but I was terribly bored the entire time. It’s definitely not the only time I almost had sex.

Also I went to Harvard and she was totally impressed with that. I didn’t bring it up, she…

Love to write shitty Penthouse Forum letters about my sex life that also mention superfluously that I went to Harvard.

He may have misunderstood what people were talking about when they said they were dealing with 30-50 feral hogs.

Bringing over a six pack and apologizing for the inconvenience (but really aggressively)?

Would that be.... Mounting?

Confession: I don’t believe that I have ever heard a single Tool song. And no interaction that I have ever had with any Tool fans has made me want to change that.

Higher chance of him having to eat a bear’s ass in prison

Night At The Museum starring a bunch of MAGA chuds who get locked in an African-American History museum overnight. The wax statue of Muhammad Ali chases them around all night beating the shit out of them.

The glasses and performance wear are clearly because he’s headed straight to the triathlon after the game.

And if there’s one thing common sense has taught is, it’s that firing an automatic weapon in the yard where your small kids are playing IS likely to kill some of them.

Respectfully I think that the issues with getting sane gun laws passed in this country exist on a somewhat different level than “people being silly on twitter”

I look forward to seeing him picked by the Giants in the first round of the 2020 draft.

Sure, Amell might be embarrassed right now but this serves as a first rate audition for my upcoming epic C’mon, Man, I’m Wide Open: The Christian Hackenberg Story.

“Tom Brady’s Getting A Raise But Not Actually An Extension”

Go away... batin’.

Top. People.

Oh sure it looks bad, but that's only because you put exactly what they said into print with the appropriate amount of context around it to get across exactly what they were trying to say!

“And Suzy died so bravely, filming the very tsunami that took her from us”

Design meeting:

“What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”