Sixers fan: All that scrap has got to be worth something.

Only sorta related, but when I was a little kid attending my first wdding (that I was old enough to be conscious of) my sister tried to convince me that “Speak now or forever hold your peace” meant “If you don’t say something, YOU CAN NEVER TALK AGAIN.” So all the way through the wedding I was dreading this. You know,…

You, yes! Drew, no. Plus, people who stand to wipe are monsters who should be cleansed from this earth.

Sometimes the lowest-hanging fruit tastes the sweetest.

69 counts of indecent exposure? Nice.

My dog doesn’t return balls. This is the pattern:

“The Cowboys settled for Mississippi State’s Dak Prescott with their second fourth-round pick, toward the end of the round.”

Counterpoint: Dogs love people so they put up with their shit to make them feel better.

Not until after he’s been convicted. An indictment isn’t enough to qualify him.

Tony Romo is 36

At least they got a QB that’s ready to take on the whole Empire by himself.

All these freaking “LOOK HOW HAPPY I AM THAT MY TEAM JUST DRAFTED SOMEBODY I NEVER HEARD OF” reaction shots on NFL Network are sickening at this point. They are making sure every team is represented and that their fans are CUH-RAAAAAZEEEEE.

What if they try to trade back into the 1st, just to spite Goodell? Would love to see the Ginger Hammer’s face if only for that. Actually, they should Ditka it and get to #1. Once Brady retires it’s party over anyways, get one last hurrah.

They should return the draft pick, then immediately revoke it for all the complaining and whining the fans have done these past 15 months. That would be fair to everyone.

Dumbest. Idea. Ever.

Shut up Regular Sized Rudy.

Somebody needs to invent a bacon box.

Vinnie’s got nothing on TacoTown:

Wearing long sleeves with shorts should be punishable by death.

“So then Ray’s wife asked me, ‘Would it help if I apologized?’ and I said, ‘Go ahead, knock yourself out.’ The look on her face....”