So the moral is, it’s OK to kill one person as long as you promise to never do it again?

Y DID TORI GIT FYRED?

In Russia, A.V. Club sells YOU

Who wants to see a movie about people trying to find out what song is playing?

Can’t wait to hear the lullaby version of “Don’t Stop Believing”

Yeah, when I was in grade school I kept yelled at by teachers for spelling it that way.

Is Paddington an asshole? Because in the poster he looks like an asshole.

His crying acting was fucking terrible: “Moooom, you’re scaring meeeeeeee! Wah hah awwwwwwwwww!”

My first thought was “wait...there have been dozens of movies just like this...”

I was always under the impression that IT was considered an expanded version of “The Boogeyman” much like Maximum Overdrive was a fleshed out (but really shitty) “Trucks”. 

I really wish, as a movie tie-in, they had briefly called themselves Dunkirk Donuts.

I like to refer to them as “the elderly Ferrell twins.”

Trump, every time he gets close to the Constitution:

Also, we’re calling the police because a Negro is acting rude.

But what’s puzzling me is the nature of your game.

HEY EVERYBODY! DON’T YOU HATE SLACKS?

Just curious, do you ever have customers put their hand up to the side of their mouth and whisper “I just want you to know, I think it’s TERRIBLE they’re making you work on Christmas!”? I work in retail and often have to work on holidays and whenever someone says that to me I want to scream “I think it’s TERRIBLE you…

How is buying a shirt that doesn’t fit the store’s fault?

I fear instead that it will seem like an outlandish beacon of optimism.

His doctor will chew him out for eating them. But he’s been chewed out before.