"Thou shalt not carry thy babe in thy arms, but affix it to the hem of thy garments."

can we get a word from vera wang on this? will we be seeing more in this summer's issue of Town & Country Weddings? if you don't have a premade kid to have altered into the dress, can you rent one?

I saw this on another news site this morning and I couldn't figure out if I was outraged or not. Part of me is like "What the fuck?! This is so wrong, you don't tie a baby to anything, especially something that you then drag across the floor!" But then another part of me is like "Well... it could have been worse.…

I've had dicks in my ass on plenty of occasions, just not in locations where people who make minimum wage have to clean up after me and where children roam freely. My animals judgement still stands, and I'll throw in a "you're a piece of shit" to round it off.

Btw, you can still find them at Cracker Barrel!

My clearest memory of skittles is eating them, while being driven up a mountain to go skiing, in the back of pickup truck.

AKA - Lifesaver Gummies. They are very much still in circulation and pretty glorious.

Found your comment on the Oompa Loompas and I was just going to post SIXLETS!!! Delicious sixlets!!

THIS is the best non-chocolate candy ever created. The way the outside melted in your mouth and then there were delicious sprinkles inside. Candy flying saucers for life! I'm still 25 and will buy an obscene amount of these if I can find them.

But seriously? Sour apple? How in God's Green Creation is that better than freaking LIME? Orange, Cherry, Lemon, Grape, all complimentary citrus and citri-philic flavors. It's beautiful. You know what else we need? Fucking Apple? NO, NO, NO, NO, FUCKING NO. Bring back lime you numb-skulls, or I'll never put…

"Is there anyone under the age of 60 who enjoys the taste of malted milk?"

A friend of mine has been involved (over a period of years, not all at once) with four guys: Glen, Ben, Ken, and Len. We are convinced that the next simply has to be Sven.

I love raisinets, but I understand that this places me in a minority.

I want to be hologrammed sitting on my couch and looking disapprovingly at everyone. It'll keep my kid in line and discourage my boyfriend from getting another girlfriend. Even in death, I live.

This is like the only post ever where this would be an appropriate comment.

Did someone direct the model to make a face like she drank a whole bottle of Nyquil or what?

I once saw somebody on TV tell an anecdote about Carol Burnett. There was some fancy banquet or something and somebody brought their little kids and she was at the table with them. She got the kids to behave like perfect little ladies and gentlemen by theatrically play-acting like little ladies and gentlemen.

This is me every single day of my life thus far.

From 1-8th grade, my parents would let us bring books and would just let us read. They liked it because they could have grown up conversation and we would be immersed in Harry Potter.