I’m not sure that making Alexa sound more like a sad, broken-on-the-inside Comcast customer service rep is going to make her better. The robotic fake empathy that never fails to come across is a big reason why people hate those calls, and I imagine most people’s relationship with Alexa is as utilitarian as it is with…

I have this as a shirt.

They may be Cubs fans but I wouldn’t stoop that low. Though I’ll admit it was the cheap stuff from Jewel and by the end it was kinda shitty and cold.

As the resident Cardinals fan at this Chicago office, I made bacon and pancakes for everyone this morning on the office griddle. I figured after the Cardinals spent all weekend fucking the Cubs, I should at least cook them breakfast.

Well at least when my son is old enough I’ll know how to get out of being asked to coach...

This is quite the inferno you’ve made for yourself.

Wow...lesson of the day, don’t mess with Kyle Crick.

ESPN reported that the 37-year-old didn’t want the surgery, but it’ll be the doctors’ decision to make.

I mean, that’s science, the ears emit the most sound of all our holes.

This is your quarterly apology from us cardinals fans who (I’d like to believe) aren’t morans. We don’t know those guys, they didn’t even come here with us. Sorry.

#ActuallyYeahAllBalls

#NotAllBalls

Put your cast iron directly on/in the coals, as much surface areas as you can, and leave it there for 10-15 minutes before putting the steaks on. Perfect crust every time and no overcooking the inside. I can get 1.5" steaks perfect rare-medium-rare in 3.5 minutes per side that way.

Would it have been allowed if, before kicking the b-hole, he had said, “WHAT UP YOUTUBERS IT’S PATTY BALLS! GET THOSE HEARTS GOING, AND SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON WHILE I SMASH THIS GOOCH!!”?

Epic Flahure

I hope you spent some time with Jack Flaherty getting picked off at 2nd to end the game last night v the woeful Marlins. It’s that level of darkness that I need dirtily injected into my veins, it’s the only rush there is anymore.

Hear me out, because I believe banning the shift is stupid also, but how about this: foul bunts are only counted for strike 3 if there were two fielders on that side of 2nd base when the pitch was thrown. Shifts are most extreme with 2 strikes since most batters won’t risk bunting into a K, but if that risk was…

I can’t explain why this feels extremely Canadian.

I feel like this is a joke solely for the 11 people who starred, and honestly, I’m okay with that.