“I want goddamn supermutants running the 100m in 6.82 seconds.”

On the upside, it’s awful hard to mask FEV in a doping test...

Yup, and Russia HATES that the rest of the western world considers them to be nouveau riche white trash scumbags. They’re the Florida man of the international community.

Remember when they all thought I was a dude? That was good times.

That was Jolie for chrissakes.

Pay attention men: Women do not like it when you send your donger to their cell phone. They end up blocking it every time.

Let me tell you something about the Cleveland Cavaliers: Fuck the Cleveland Cavaliers.

#StevieAintBlind

Said Briles: “Originally the University gave me two weeks to decide to resign, but in true Baylor fashion they decided to go ahead and fuck me whether they had my consent or not.”

The 30-inch Zyla

+$3.74 trade-in value

I’m engaged, played sports year-round all the way through high school (baseball, soccer, cross country) and can name all the original Pokemon, know the move priority differences between multiple Street Fighters, and can beat the original Sonic sidescrollers without losing a single life.

Hey! I’m lazy too!! But you could have at least made it a foot long. Or a barrel of foot longs. OR an erotic cake of a barrel of dicks! OR A BARREL FULL OF EROTIC DICK CAKES!!

At least Giancarlo Stanton has gone on strike until conditions improve.

BOOO! Backpedaling like that is not what this fair city needs more of. Stand by your convictions bitch!!

As a Mariners fan, I’m not looking forward to the derpfest that’s going to follow when the Mariners retire Ichiro’s #51 while the “real fans” fail to accept that Randy Johnston went into the HoF as a Diamondback.

Go to hell.

Braves: We need a new stadium!

No doubt, nuclear war would Finnish them.

Don't you DARE mess with SpongeBob. That show is great!