Only two franchises are capable of such horseshit.

Tough to be an MLB pitching coach when you refuse to work with lefties.

Can you please use the “NSFW” tag, please? Some of us have jobs. 

Always love plans that are literally based on the scheme of a pyramid.

If you can’t trust Chicago-area cops, then who can you trust?

It’s a me, Pedo!

Nothing more American than being wrong, I guess.

Monsters of the Jetway

This is the biggest hit I’ve seen laid on a number 11 who couldn’t handle drinks since Phil Simms.

This works on Belichick if you ask him about punting and special teams from the 1940s. 

Jared Goff knows all that stuff also and could easily explain to reporters the coverage of any team playing them ... with his earpiece in.

Mark Emmert looks like a garden gnome who was granted his one wish of becoming a Republican televangelist.

my man only knows one way to play: FULL THROTTLE

After the game, Odell Beckham Jr. told reporters that he was more concerned with Humphrey’s erection during the play, as well as his own.

It’s sad how numb we’ve become to these school shootings

Geneva gonna see anything better.

A plastic bag of styrofoam cups is also Alex Smith’s new tibia.

Dammit! I was worried I missed a joke somewhere, and I was right. I should just never talk.

*Zach, unless this is some plus-size comedic actor mashup dig I’m not privy to.