If I ever meet another Jezzie it’s gonna start with a West Side Story style knife fight, followed by a deep makeout sesh, and concluding with whatever lady cats do to get unstuck from those barbed penises. Lots of yowling and panicked clawing.

Mom is not on the side of history. If there was a video of a kid being forced to leave the counter sit-ins of Greensboro, we wouldn’t be rooting for the mom.

That gross mustache speaks for itself. Pussy hounds don’t retire. They just wear out like a dirty nap sack.

I just keep trying to figure out when he had time to be the “perfect” family man (or so his shitty enabling family claims) while constantly partying and raping young women. Also, he had a busy career. Meanwhile I can’t seem to find time to do my laundry.

My god, he really was crazy.

You are really obsessed.

I saw this and just realized that I missed out big time by not being born thirty years earlier. Lily Tomlin might be my dream woman.

Me too. Pouring one out.

I’ve found that we all have discreet areas of knowledge, perspectives that we alone possess. And that kind of knowledge/criticism can make you feel good in the short term. (Gawker Media actually excels at giving these criticisms a platform. Think of all the Ebola experts that surfaced 6 months ago.) But it doesn’t…

Eh, the edit option timed out on me. http://nerdist.com/you-made-it-we…

Fun fact: Ari Shaffir went on You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes and talked about how he gave a 19 year-old girl chlamydia. Not 10 years ago. Not 5 years. Recently. (Or recent as of the air date of the interview.)

Agreed. His comedy is a bit stiff, particularly when you compare him to the easy stylings of . . . pretty much every other contender. American comedians are masters of political commentary with a smile and a wink.

Oh, I love Taylor. I'm just not going to put any mental energy into these kind of, sort of, middling celebrities. Reality tv stars, Donald Trump, sports guys: these are all people I don't need to know about. I gotta draw a line somewhere. Reading about them does not help me in any way whatsoever.

I only read the headline, but I just checked in to say that I hope to go for as long as possible not knowing who this "Calvin" guy is. If I don't know him now, it won't kill me to keep on with it.

The secret to longevity is drinking Dr. Pepper, right? I read about you! You're hep!

The legacy of cone tits? Please.

I agree, and yet she also seems unremarkable in these aspects? So many people think that working themselves to death is a sign of nobility and virtue.

My rendition of "I Love You Porgy" is especially heart-rending as "I Love You Kitty."

Chris Brown is obviously just trolling us now.

Yes! And I want to reiterate what Frickineh said, which is that there are almost no options for clothing made fairly. The best option I've come up with so far is to commit to buying quality handmade clothes off Etsy once a year. That's it! That's all I have.