I'm on the side of the cowboy hat. What the fuck is the point of living goddamn OinkButte Wyoming if you can't wear what you want?

And I'm transfixed by yours!

Even if they were fighting over something super legit like that walking Crisco pit, John Mayer, I'd still want them to shut up.

Yaz. Yaz.

If it weren't for the forehead swastika he'd look like pretty much any old man. Good thing we know that his noggin is full of rat poop and asbestos.

Well, this is the group photo that is meant to make us all feel like neanderthal gerbils: unevolved and hideous. I mean, I have never worn an evening gown or leaned casually against my buddy, Benny Cumberbatch. It's a travesty, really.

"If you take your kid to see Fifty Shades of Grey, you're off your fucking rocker."

The near-total overhaul of the Jezebel staff makes me wonder about what the hell happened. My mind runs wild with speculation.

We are Masters of the Universe.

Knowing a Texan was on staff gave me the confidence I needed to trust in Jezebel.

Ah yes, The Bay Area. Full of such liberal, tolerant folk. Kamau Bell himself says this about a million times in his own standup material.

I'll be watching tomorrow on Hulu. Sorry Dax! Television is for olds.

That's a difficult comparison. Gillian Anderson is a heat sinking torpedo of the Hollywood industry. She's a good actor, but she's also extremely friendly and accommodating in interviews. Anderson might as well be the industry standard for how one is supposed to behave in media: just nice enough that she's liked,…

I can hear the stage direction all the way through my laptop screen.

That's really the only comment that is necessary for this article.

Agreed. He's like the embalmed remnants of an evening at the Poconos. He makes Don Rickles look gracious by comparison.

The crazy thing is that she has said very little about it all, at least as far as I can remember. Neither person has had much to say about the divorce, and yet it remains at the top of the gossip columns as if it were yesterday. She's pretty much known as the lady who got dumped for Angelina Jolie. It's nutso.

This is the meaning of patriarchy; momentum is on your side. Women can write and declare independence, but with each new generation of men, they "reinvent" misogyny and then pretend that they're doing something novel. And each time we are expected to smack our lips, rub our tummies, and pretend it's delicious.

I didn't say it the worst thing ever. I'm saying if his estimated net worth is $220 million, that's a vast difference.