This is the part that gets me. I never have to feel like the worst is coming any more. I never have to wait for that other shoe to drop. Sure, maybe they’ll lose — but I don’t have to EXPECT it and panic at the first sign of trouble. And when they do lose in the playoffs in years future, I can always shrug and…

CONSIDER THE BRO
And Other Essays
by Drew Magary

Today is a good day!

The Jets!

“I don’t do crack.”

No, not you Buffalo. Go home. You’re drunk.

I truthfully feel physically lighter today. The Caps winning the Cup has lifted a massive weight off of my shoulders and freed me from the perpetual cycle of disappointment that has come with being a DC sports fan.

Christ. First the Eagles, now the Caps. What other long-suffering fanbase is going to win next?

Vegas fans quickly shook this off in anticipation of their beloved warriors sweep tonight

I’m still in tears. Being a fan for over 30 years I can’t even describe the feeling. But it’s amazing.

I almost paced a hole in my floor, and then I cried with such relief and joy. ALL FUCKING CAPS!!!

(and for real, like it wasn’t dramatic enough without the clock issue? I was clutching my 15 year old in a panic haha)

I know things look promising right now, but Caps fans know there’s still an opportunity to blow this.

I imagine her giving the “Y’know, the Jews had pieces of flair” speech from Office Space with absolute seriousness.

Obviously this is fake news perpetrated by the lame-stream media. Rudy is the face of NYC. Or is his face just as big as NYC? I can’t remember...

New handle: Rudy Booliani.

Obviously the Yankees fans are deep-state plants

In response, Sean Hannity reminded viewers that the only reason Osama Bin Laden survived the 9/11 attacks was that Giuliani rolled up his sleeves and punched him so hard he flew all the way back to Afghanistan and landed safely in a pile of harvested opium pods.

They’re not booing, they’re saying “Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-dy is an asshole and we hope he dies in a fire.”

I guess Yankees fans are good now.