Hopes and dreams, in a sack of dead cats.

We said it was coming home, never said what “it” was.

England is the Minnesota Vikings of Soccer.

The only Nelson that really matters to England right now. #TheBritisharetheworst

Just so we’re all on the same page, everyone does realize the end of his Colonel Sanders point is, “...and he never got backlash because he serves fried chicken”, right?

Isn’t losing DESPITE a sophisticated doping program even worse than losing fair and square?

I prefer this to pretending they did not interfere with our elections.

Russia outperformed the sum of their talents and showed that they’re very much not frauds as long as we pretend they don’t have a sophisticated doping program.

So, like Trump, then.

Did LeBron ever lose a championship to Larry Brown? No, therefor the GOAT and Asian people are the most put upon. Ipso Facto!

No, Neymar just refuses to get up off the grass.

No worries. Yahoo, where ALL lives matter.

I proudly contributed to Tebow Sucks day.

Oh look, YancyMilda, here's one!

They also seem to have nuked the main site, as it’s been showing the Brazil/Belgium 73rd minute score for almost an hour now.

Can’t wait to see all the genius legal minds complain that ESPN is violating their civil rights and anti 1st Amendment.

I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of Cardinals fans cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear we’ll never learn which lives matter.

Do people still read ESPN.com?  I’ve been boycotting since they shut down Grantland.

I can’t look at that picture and not think about the 13 fumbles he’s had last season. 

How could you overlook the use of “in a jackpot” in the Coen Brothers’ Oscar-winning “No Country For Old Men.” Llewelyn Moss has a cab driver circle a motel when he suspects something is afoot in his room. The following exchange occurs: