He moved on her like a bitch. What’s the problem?

You sound outraged at having been excited, so I guess it all works out.

don’t worry — he tore up a parking ticket after leaving the bar

“Also, Dude, Black Irish is not the preferred nomenclature. It’s African-Irishman, please.”

Fuck. I was so excited to be outraged.

To be fair, a parade through the streets of Dallas is totally foreign territory for the Cowboys.

Alternative headline:

had to be, kinda like McCaw at Liberty. The only places that will legitimately accept “d’aww shucks Jesus I’m sorry” as proof that “they’re CHANGED men!!”

Reporter: Mr. Snyder, what’s your primary sports management philosophy or motivating factor? Is it championship rings? Legacy? Community improvement?

No trial. No jury.

What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile?

I don’t know, maybe fucking with a woman’s automobile?

No douche. Repping team gear (that just happpens to make you look homeless) when you know the media is trying to figure out your job status is hilarious.

“there’s only two reasons a 40-year old man should be wearing a hat backwards. He’s a professional sniper or he’s giving his buddy a blowjob.”

Hustle, speed, a good pair of hands, not afraid to get on the floor. In this Suns team, Gorilla Guy should be starting.

I’ve seen this before. I’m not falling for it this time.

Phoenix Suns’ gorilla? Because when you think of Phoenix or think of the sun, you always associate one or both with gorillas, amirite?

Me: Knock! Knock!

Came for the Harambe jokes, left mostly disappointed.

Come on, that’s a dildo. Bills fans travel (not unlike most every NBA player, amirite truthers?).