Cowumbia cwybabies take to the bwog.

"Need," of course, being relative. I need it as much as I need better tabloid cover-reading in line at the grocery store than, say, Kardashian baby weight headlines.

I would love for Katy Perry and Prince Harry to get together. It's been a while since we've had a big name in our pop culture attached to the likes of royalty and the superrich. I guess Paris Hilton did it a smidge, but she doesn't seem to be the real deal who can seal the deal. We need another Liz Taylor, nahmean?

It seems like Elizabeth Berkley is getting a little too old for that whorey look.

I fail to see any markers of condescension in my list of facts about a person I admire. That wasn't my intention, but keep on keepin' on with your accusations.

"that creepy old dude that looks like he just got a Dirty Sanchez (probably from Uncle Terry)" is longtime queer filmmaker, writer, art curator and all-around hilarious, insightful man John Waters. He draws the mustache on with cheap drugstore eyeliner and has been doing so for decades.

Agreed! Those things are spendy and unisex. There's no way I'd let a dude keep it.

I'm an American too, queen of the easily offended. From what I've seen in books, commercials, products, history, and, oh, almost everywhere pop culture touches, yeah, the "Get _________ Fast!" thing is a popular selling point. Lighten up.

PUT ON PANTS WITH A BUTTON. That's my outlook on it. You can wear a big baggy hoodie and grubby sneaks if you want, but for god sakes, wear a pair of pants with a goddamn button on 'em.

I'm already sniffing the tops of their heads all the time anyway.

Mine had an expiration date stamped on the bottom, actually. Here's a website selling several brands of pepper spray (so, you know, grain of salt) that says its shelf life is 3-4 years:

Aha, I should follow links and do some research before reacting! Thanks, that's not so bad then.

Americans love a quick fix.

The price, however, is snark-worthy. Pepper spray expires (mine just did, about 5 years after I bought it) and there's no way to refill this spendy little canister, as the stuff's pressurized. Worth $20? Absolutely. But there's no way in hell I'd pay $75 for pepper spray.

Re: the orchid hothouse of your childhood, my parents in southern MN kept the house at 72 or 73. I never needed slippers growing up because I could just pad around barefoot no matter the time of year! I don't really have any tips to add, except to say that if you have gas heat, some heating companies allow you to…

That is so unsettling.

I got some not-very-good stuff from my dealer recently (which has never happened before). I contemplated building a time machine so I could travel back in time and sell it to my teenage self.

I came here to post an almost-identical comment! I worked for a small local chain of about 10 stores, and the toys were grouped by "type of play" (outdoor toys over here, board games and puzzles there, "imaginative play" (costumes for dress-up, toy kitchens and tool benches, blocks and other building materials,…

Catamales.

I am 98.5% certain that Brian Williams stumbled across an intern or a younger relative watching Marcel the Shell with Shoes On and he found it to be so simultaneously funny and sweet that by the time it was over, his face was red and blotchy and he had tears streaming down his face but could not distinguish if their…