Aaaaaaand I step out.

I would think this would have been incredibly painful and would have tied you up in knots all the time.

Christmas Day is super relaxed at my house. I’m the only one not in pajamas, my husband is napping, and I’m drinking wine while building my Lego TARDIS.

Jezebel: we’re really horny and we care deeply about racism.

THAT is awesome. I want to be your friend. Kill a man in reno just to watch him die? CHRISTMAS EVE EVE!

She looks like my brother’s ex who stole half his weed plants, left the rest in the kitchen, and called the cops on him to report a break-in.

COMPLETELY UNRELATED, BUT:

...except your children might be genetically predisposed to confuse “you’re” and “your.”

OMG LIKE I COULDNT LOVE JK ANY MORE AND SHE DOES THAT. I haven't had a reaction like that to a tweet...ever.

I feel you.

HAVE MERCY.

Someone get me to a hospital; my ovaries have burst.

Can we have Happy Endings back? Please?

I’ve always liked this song so the recent backlash against it saddens me. It’s pretty clear from the perspective of a person in the time and place it was written that the woman isn’t being forced into anything she isn’t into (ie, “staying” and whatever that implies).

He looks like he smells like cigarettes and old spice.

And he calls himself

What an object of heated romantic interest in the real world.

Is DJ moving back home? Or did she buy the house? Did she buy it from her dad? What kind of job does she have that she can afford a Victorian single family home in San Francisco? IS DJ TANNER A TECH BILLIONAIRE?!

I didn’t think hell existed, but there it is. Hell. Wow.

This is our first Christmas as a married couple so I ordered some photo cards. It has a picture of us on our honeymoon, but most importantly, these photos of the cats: