A couple of years ago I saw a photograph of Selena Gomez with very visible cellulite. I have rested easier ever since.

I'm pretty sure I love you.

Can Avril and Chad make it? No, they Canucks :(

I nearly fell asleep just typing their names.

See, you guys? Momma Stodden IS a responsible guardian. In retrospect. When feeling pressured.

I’m still mad I was forced to attend Marcus & Lacy’s wedding. I used my fast forward button to RSVP “Nuh-uh.”

Dude looks like a friend of Dorothy’s, if you ask me.

JK Rowling for President of the world!

Of course things didn’t work out between these two. That guy’s such a Barney. Dione’s soulmate is and always will be Murray.

Jared looks completely miserable in every shot. I hoped he and Amber would get a date, but their mutual reasonableness would not make for interesting television. Better keep them apart, producers!

The first CD I bought was Frank Sinatra: Duets. I was 12 going on 87.

I am simultaneously horrified by victim shaming and prone to dwelling on how I provoked my own assault.

NO! Bad, Right-Wing America, bad! Drop it...drop the Trump/Palin combination...you can have one as a toy, but you cannot have both.

My cousins and I got in the car, ready to drive to our grandfather’s funeral. As soon as the radio came on, Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust” started playing.

Was it fake? Or was he actually so shamed by Kara’s public disdain for him and his lion tattoo that he immediately had it removed?

First of all, how dare you. Of COURSE I remember the ecstasy episode. I remember every episode of My So-Called Life better than I remember the births of my children.

It only means they’re in love if they wear it at the same time, forming a two-headed, four-armed blonde millionaire.

I'm only offended by the fact that the joke wasn't funny.

I'm trying to remember Mikey T from the Bachelorette...didn't he end up being a bit of a dick? Can someone help me with this?

I give Alison Brie and Dave Franco ten Meow Meow Beenz for the news of their engagement.