I can't even open my eyes underwater.

That's a spicy meatball!

With that hair and that pose, she looks like a nightmare version of a 1930s child starlet. Well golly gee!

And also, is Sollecito's attorney.

Giulia Bongiorno is a "she."

No wonder OK Cupid isn't working for me.

I dunno, Mississippi - that kind of looks like a "Choose Miscegenation" license plate to me. Sure you're comfortable with that?

I want to see Abe Lincoln and a panda eating ice cream cones and holding hands. That would be the template for a possible tattoo for me.

Oooh, me too!

I'll plant my own tree and I'll make it grow. MY tree will not be just one in a row.

Isn't the rude gesture in Turkey the thumbs up? That's one the whole family can get behind!

Perfect!

Great article. Thanks for the link.

Would it help her if I said a novena?

21. Does he speak weeth an outrrrrageous Franche accent?

These billboards and jingles are everywhere in So Cal. I never knew who was behind them but they are damned catchy. "Let your new life begin - call 1 800 Get Thin" - I guess "unless you die" doesn't rhyme.

I thought the everlasting gobstopper just never got smaller. It was Wonka's gum that turned into different flavors including - infamously - blueberry.

I'm just surprised that with a name like "Snooki" she can't name her genitalia anything more creative than "pussy."

She appears to be wearing underwear at least...so how was her soi-disant coo-ca visible? I'm confused. Then again, I can't devote that much thought to Snooki's nether regions or my head might explode.

Don't mess with Texas! The worst thing about it are its humorless pedantic defenders.