I prefer his magnum opus “Hoof hearted? Ice melted”

My daughter was about 3 the first time I took her to a Toys R Us. As soon as she walked in, the looked at all the toys, and stood there with her mouth and eyes wide open. Then she turned to me and said “This place is magical!”

Lisa needs kinja!

It was so boring, it put my girlfriend in a coma.

Kangaroo is amazingly delicious and tender, and has less fat than cow.

The pet thing is the same reason no one bats an eye when I order cuy in Ecuador, but if I were to BBQ a guinea pig here in America, I'd probably be run out of town on a rail.

In the case of The Godfather, though, it's really not such a bad thing.

But, on the bright side, he'll never have to experience the tragedy of seeing get old and wrinkled.

Bannon is claiming that he submitted his resignation on Aug. 7, but Trump didn't get around to accepting it until today.

Of course, to too large a segment of the electorate, Trump screaming the N-word would only prove their belief that "Trump is just saying what everyone is thinking."

But do they think Trump is flawed? Most of the religious Trump supporters that I know think he is a true, devout Christian.

A friend of mine from High School is now a full-on Christian. I asked him how he could support Trump, given that Trump has led such a non-Christian life (and is proud of it). His response: "Only God can judge."

I figure him as more of a Patrick Nagel kind of guy.

And… cue Xanderpuss.

I think he gets off by defiling anything to do with Obama. The means of defilement is inconsequential to the actual defilement.

"Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?"
"I do-urns."

Republicans weren't too on board with infrastructure spending during the Great Depression, either.

Because Pence is thinking "Keep it up, asshole. You're only cutting down the time until it's 'President Pence.'"

You can be assured no Trump statues will ever have bird crap on them, but only because there will be so much people crap on them.

How much room do you need to store the hard drives that have all of his tweets on them? Has he done anything else that needs to be preserved?