In addition to the below, i.e., mlb rookie contracts are six years and don’t start until you’re in the majors, there’s also no guarantee he’d ever see a mlb field. It’s extraordinarily rare to play in the majors within a year or two of being drafted. Most guys drafted will never play in the majors. Plenty of first…

Somewhere in Boston, an intern is secretly creating a “Known Rapist” chyron for next season. 

You are not, nor will ever be, me.

I knew once Deadspin started covering fucking soccer that fencing couldn’t be far behind. 

This is what we call Trying Too Hard.

When you have to sit Enes Kanter because he’s too good, you’ve built something truly special.

So, Massachusetts and Connecticut.

Nah, not with snark, but simply to be a disingenuous pucker. Fuck outta here with this. 

I’m sure MANY Arizonans are excited for the debut of the Kliff Kingsbury Kardinals. Can’t wait to see the endzone signs.

I think we’ve reached the point where you need to start listing him as Dale Hansen instead of “Dallas Sportscaster.” I get that there’s a certain novelty to what Deadspin uses, and I know whenever I see his face I think “Oh, it’s the Woke Texan,” but he’s been doing this for long enough. It undersells who he is as a…

Chili-fart warm

Is your house cat, perhaps, a tiger? Because if not, going to the bathroom shouldn’t be that much of an issue.

I starred this comment but I am unstarring it after reading the responses

I can do both, but I’d much rather drink the free coffee provided by my employer. 

Russell’s up to his neck in treble doubles. Too bad he can’t pick his teammates, get some more first-stringers, then he could slide right on into the finals and possibly step right into a title, barring getting axed along the way.

He’s a great dunker, but Giannis has got one of the silliest looking post-dunk, mean mugs I’ve ever seen.

Your end of year mixtape is the good shit. Best thing I heard this year was this:

I do not wait to exit the stall. This is a very important dynamic in the workplace. Demonstrate that you fear nothing, no one, At work. On your exit from the stall, stare directly at the urinal man, and say nothing. Glare at him until he nervously leaves the bathroom. If he tries to engage you, take a quick step…

I don’t think Ben Roethlisberger deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, so much as he’ll force his way in, whether we like it or not. 

Easy to focus on revenge when you’re not worried about the ‘Zards, ‘Tics, or making the ‘yoffs