I guess you finished the article before this gem came out

You’re not wrong about Ray Lewis. He’s definitely a cut above the rest.

She said lets try anal, until I saw the dildo and the size of it.

You are correct.

If the parents are conservative - I get the baby girl a monster truck and the baby boy a barbie, just to fuck with them.

I read this initially as "How to pick a fight with a baby". Hardly seemed adequate.

If that kid can’t make it a few hours without a beer I think he has a real problem.

This is a good fan.

This is...alarmingly accurate.

2016 is the Florida of years.

Straight male here.

I dunno what that Tom Brady one is supposed to mean, but man do I wanna go fucking do something! I dunno what that something is, but goddamn do I really want to do it.

Drew Magary - [sees shorts]

Bicyclists Can Compete in MotoGP, Too

You hate haircut chitchat more than you hate a slient haircut? Because a silent haircut is creepy as shit.

Imagine being Vegan and an introvert. My God that must be exhausting.

You wanna know what is worse than talking small in person? It’s talking small online.. especially when it comes to online dating. Going to a truck stop and picking up a lot lizard seems more appealing about now.

That’s medium heat at best. You’ve got to go way bigger. Like “The NBA should ban free agency in response to Durant.” Then find a way to make it really obvious you think black people should be slaves without actually saying it. You’re not going to summit Mount Take without adding some dog-whistle racist shit.

When I die and go to heaven

I hope they go undefeated and score 1,000 points per game. I hope they melt the arenas in which they play because they make the ball move so beautifully, and so quickly, that the air becomes super-heated with the vigorous masturbation of the assembled angelic hosts of heaven. I hope Kevin Durant, Steph Curry, Klay…