The only baby with any real motor is the winner, who cried through the pain and scrapped her way to a victory. That’s called respecting the damn game.

“congratulations...” in the end is the perfect touch of Russian snark.

You get a star for the tactful use of an old Jalop meme.

Translation:

Your local Russian is here to translate.

Rockridge was so excited they named him the new sheriff.

You’re kidding about anyone not knowing this was in a game, right?

Only the Iranians could come up with an uglier hull color...

The Hunt for Green Cucumber

God this video is great, look at those cool swimming bears. I wish that I had a cool swimming bear friend. My urge to be mad online is rapidly subsidi...wait a minute, Rupert Murdoch owns this video now, doesn’t he? Urge to kill rising.

Truly, the lack of fawning over Goldie is embarrassing for everyone in this comment section.

I feel like you people are not talking enough about how beguiling my child is and talking too much about how to reinterpret an exchange about a chair that two adults already interpreted for you. Trust us that in the moment it felt like a very weird question given there wasn’t even a third chair at the table to begin…

That was literally Jane’s trajectory.

Yes. I would use this feature 9/10 times. Not on the tenth because I don't bring the kids for date night, babysitters or no.

I was laughing and smugly judging the ridiculousness...until the babysitting room came up and I was like, “YES! This place is perfect!”

Can you win #COTD if you work for Jalopnik?