I really regret not changing details so please be kind and respect his privacy. 

I’m going to hell now, because that made me snort. On a related note, if you’re going to get a portrait tattoo for the love of god spare no expense and get some top notch shit. I haven’t even touched on the portrait tat of my daughters on his back.. they look.. unwell. And like they have serious cranio facial defects…

This reminds me of a relatively recent Reddit post. A woman’s boyfriend had just gotten a memorial tattoo. It was originally intended to be small, maybe dates or a symbolic object.

I’m sorry about the ‘never more than a minute thing’. 

I went to the Museum School. I can confirm this dude exists. Never took his classes. He super creeped me out. Now I know why -- clown masks.

Don’t knock those black Santas! Well, maybe in your white guy’s case.

“Every Christmas” concerns me in that it says you were with this crazy person long enough to see a behavior that’d take over a year to notice its repetition.

Lol, yes. I did have to turn my back on him to get the door. 

I’m just having a hard time processing the notion that Lamb Chop is a guy.

There was more to it I didn’t include in order for the comment to not be a wall of text.

First and last date; He had his dog’s balls in a jar on his mantle. He’d asked the vet to save them and was very enthusiastic about showing them off.

Sounds like someone with whom you would have experienced the best sex of your life, and then woke up an hour later handcuffed to the bed, with her smiling and running a knife over your lower extremities while casually decorating your face with makeup. 

I think you may have escaped a serial killer.

Not something in it but something he did INSIDE of it. When we got in he would immediately walk into the bathroom, drop his pants and shit right in front of me with the door open. Or if I was in there brushing my teeth or something he’d come in and poop. And it started like a week or two into knowing him. I was…

Fuck buddy makes this awfully specific so I don’t think I have a great one, but:

it was a one-off during a dry spell and he was a friend of a friends friend. (i didnt know it when I went home with him) he was a STAUNCH republican on the last stop of the N in astoria. I asked if he likes the greek food and if hes ever been to greece. “we live in the best fucking country in the world, WHY would i go…

Not sure if this qualifies as ‘in an ex’s house’, but it was on his body, so I’m going to go with it. Towards the end of our marriage my ex husband got a tattoo on his right pec of his dead grandmother. In the tat, his grandmother looked like she had a stroke. She did not. That lopsided tat didn’t do a THING for me,…

A shopping cart. This guy I was dating lived in a horrible hovel with only a tub and no shower and so.many.roaches. He also had a roommate who sat in the dark watching TV as we passed through the living room to the bedroom. There in the dark, dank living room was a shopping cart. Just right in the middle.  It was…

I’d say his poor selection of body care products is more damning than either his choice of subject in his artwork or his enthusiasm for historical Japanese weaponry.

OoOooOoo... I experienced the trifecta. I went home with a man who had 
1. a GIANT acrylic painting of Bob Dylan hanging above his couch that he had painted himself
2. only had AXE body wash products in his bathroom (this was early 2000s when it still smelled like gasoline and teenage angst)
...yet I persisted (*shrug*…